BEING A FAITHFUL FRIEND {to our spouse}

An Anonymous friend asked...

How do you biblically suggest that your husband needs to show more sympathy? I can see the father you described at the playground clearly...My husband is a good man and God is changing him more and more each year (just as He is changing me)!

I'm concerned because I see the hurt in the children's eyes and when they come to me for sympathy, he scolds them for that too. I do not desire to disrespect my husband or loose the hearts of our children.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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Hello Anonymous friend.

Well, we all have our blind spots, don't we? I know that I do. As your husband's best friend and help meet your desire is of course to do him good and not evil all the days of his life (Proverbs 31:12).

So, what does that mean in cases where we see something we fear will come back to bite our best friend?

In Scripture God tells us that the neighbor who flatters

spreads a net for the feet of him being flattered (Proverbs 29:5),

but a faithful friend corrects (Proverbs 27:6).

The flatterer never mentions his neighbor's blind spots-

he is only there for the happy times- and is not troubled

with the dangerous path (called a trap)

that his neighbor is taking.

As our husband's best friend we do want to be faithful and that, at times, may involve kind and gentle encouragement in one direction or another.

1. Do you think that your counsel is hearable? If not, look for areas in which you can minister to his needs- physical needs, training the children in the off times, gentle speech etc. before you broach the subject.

2. Use an example that he can relate to. In 2 Samuel 12:7 Nathan used a fictitious example to help David to see what he was doing. Sometimes, as adults, we relate better to ideas such as: "What if your boss handled a situation this way? Do you think that- maybe- that is how the children feel at times?"  Sharing Scripture may also be beneficial:  Verses such as James 1:20 and Ephesians 6:4, Galations 6:1 and Philippians 4:5 are applicable to this specific scenario. 

3. Never correct your husband in front of the children. For one, if we do that, we undermine ALL authority in the home- including our own. Secondly, you will inadvertently put a chip on the children's shoulders as they get the impression that they are being mistreated.

4. Always use the sandwich approach. Start by highlighting an area that is a real success; insert the area of concern and wrap up with how you see the Lord working to change both of you and, again, how he is succeeding.

5. Always pray first. Ask the Lord for unity of spirit and wisdom about the correct time to speak- not when he walks in the door, not on an empty stomach etc.- and go with a gentle and humble spirit.  Maybe the Lord will not have you mention it at all.  Be sensitive to His leading.  


And last of all, don't use a hammer when you may only need an encouraging word.  :)
 

I hope this helps.


Blessings to you,

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WHEN COUNSEL DOESN'T GO WELL...


By pulling this discussion out of the comments area, I have a little more space to add the following:

Even when we "do it all right" there may be times when our counsel will not be heard at that moment.

You have seen many different families. I would suggest that if you are observant you will notice that the families that stick together and are most gleefully happy are always those in which the wife is cheerful and in love with her husband. Does that mean their family is perfect or makes the same choices that you would in all areas? Not at all.

As help meets we try our best to see all things

eye to eye with our spouse for the glory of God,

but if you are not able to,

do not be devastated by it.

Choose joy and selfless love. Be a daughter of Sarah:

"They submitted themselves to their own husbands,

like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.

You are her daughters if you do what is right and

do not give way to fear."

1 Peter 3:5-6

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