HOW TO ENDURE THE HARD STUFF

 

While searching for our snow clothes last week, I bumped into our old house plans.  We’ve lived in the home my husband built for 10 years now, but until we got here these plans were the only indication that this flat land surrounded by eucalyptus trees was going to sprout a house someday.  

I remember those plans being rolled and unrolled over and over as my husband would talk to my uncles about the home he was going to build for us.  Having built homes before my uncles had a much better vision of the future house than I did.  They talked through the details and I poured the coffee but the plans always just looked like blue lines and an almost impossible amount of work to me. 

And it was a crazy amount of work.  Even while we were framing or installing insulation into what would someday be walls, the house didn’t take shape for me.  It still seemed like just a small box and I had no real sense of the size or wall height. 

But we had a kind of faith we worked by.  We believed two things.  First, we believed we were called to this place.  We had prayed and felt God lead us to this land.  That really helped us to keep going when the road got hard.  And secondly, we believed that that if we stuck to the plan, regardless of how painful, in the end we would move into our new home.  Which I guess was really a faith in the architect since we had never built a house before.   

For me, 2016 was a tough year.  There were stresses and discouragements that I really didn’t want to go through and as the new year approached I had a secret hope that trials know to follow calendar years and will now vamoose!  But through the difficulty, God keeps reminding me of this verse:       

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Can’t you almost imagine God rolling and unrolling His blueprint for your future when He says this?  He is the Master Architect.  And even though we’ve never done this life thing before, He has.  He knows the plans He has for us and they are good!  His plans are to prosper you and to give you a future and a hope. 

So how do we walk by faith in the hard times?  First, if we’ve prayed and allowed God to lead us to where we are, we have to hang on to that truth.  It will get us through the rough spots.  So many times when we hit a hard patch in our marriages, finances, relationships and so on we think that if things are hard, we must be on the wrong road!  But that just isn’t biblical (check out how Paul felt in 2 Cor. 7:5-6!)  If you don’t think you have prayed and been led to where you are, pray now and ask for wisdom.  God loves that and He will lead you.         

And secondly, we hang onto faith in the Architect.  He has a plan.  As we live in His Word and trust Him through the difficulties that come to all of us, we endure.  And while “just endure it” isn’t going to be the top slogan for Nike or companies that value self-achievement anytime soon, enduring has its place in the lives of God’s people.  It’s the grit of real that holds still and doesn’t lose ground.   Jesus despised the shame of the cross but He endured it (Hebrews 12:2).     

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”  James 1:12

God has a plan for whatever is happening today.  Regardless of how it feels, the Master Architect is right there doing a good work in you! 

 

 
_________________________

Rebecca Jones is a believer on Christ, passionate about God's Word and applying it to life.  She and her High School sweetheart have been married for 25 years and have 5 daughters (yes 5!).  Rebecca has a degree in Marketing, has been home educating for 15 years and writing since 2008.  Her oldest daughter is presently attending a Christian college while the other 4 daughters continue to school at home. 

WHEN KIDS DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING WHAT'S RIGHT

"I don't feel like reading my Bible."

"I don't feel like going to church."


Let's face it, there will be times when our kiddos don't feel like doing what is right, or even what is good for them.  And, if we are honest, we'd agree that there are times we feel the exact same way.

So what do we do when we hear those "I don't feel like it" statements?




1.  Remain on the same team.  It is too easy to become the person who points the finger rather the one who puts their arm around a kid who is struggling.  Especially if we are fearful about the scenario we see playing out.  Don't let that happen to you!  Remember that we have an enemy and it is not one another. This little one next to you may be feeling like a weary traveler who is simply in need of a little encouragement to do the right thing, not a lecture.

 

1 Peter 5:8:  Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil,

prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
_ _ _

 

2.  Assess what appetites you have been feeding.  As much as we do not like to admit it, we have two distinct and separate appetites (the flesh and the spirit) and the one we feed, is the one that grows.  If the mental food that has been going in is a stumbling, a gentle talk about God wanting what is best for us may be in order.  Just as a parent knows that broccoli is healthier than chocolate bars, our heavenly Father knows that we need to "pluck out" things that are not healthy for us.  Even influences that are not sin can become sin if they take over our lives in an unhealthy way.

 

Mark 9:47:  If your eye causes you to stumble, throw it out;

it is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye,

than, having two eyes, to be cast into hell.

  _ _ _

  

3.  If a Course Change is in Order, Get Agreement First.  It is too easy for us to switch from low to high gear in the blink of an eye and loose our troops in the process.  Like a pendulum on a clock we tend to live in extremes.  Our kids are not being patient?  Well, then they should read the Bible 100 times a day!  Our kids have been watching too many videos?  Well, then from now on we watch none!  Ever!  Or... until we swing back to the other side in a month (or a day!).  If I learned anything in Project Management, it was that if you want success in rolling out a new program, you needed to connect with people and give a vision about the future hope before changing direction.  If they fell in love with the vision, then 90% of the work was already done in changing course.         

Proverbs 29:18:  Where there is no vision, the people

are unrestrained, But happy is he who keeps the law.

  _ _ _

4.  Be Real/ Choose "I Wills."  Keeping it real could not be more popular.  We love real, humble people who have been there and speak truth.  Our kids feel the same way.  Be real.  Share that you struggle with the same things at times.  Share how the Lord has grown you as you have chosen the "I wills" of Scripture: 

"I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart,

 

I will tell of all Your marvelous works.

 

I will be glad and rejoice in You;

 

I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High..."

 

Psalm 9

  _ _ _

 

 

David was like us.  He had to resolve to praise with his whole heart and resolve to speak of God's goodness.  Help your kids have a Psalm 9 experience by sharing David's words; taking time to sing a couple of favorite hymns or spiritual songs and remind one another of God's marvelous works.

 

Proverbs 23:7  For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

  _ _ _

 

 

We will not always feel like doing what is right.  But as we resolve to find ways to engage our whole heart; declare our thanks for God's works and sing His praises, we will feed the spirit and turn the tide.

Blessings to you!

 

  

WHEN HOMESCHOOLING IS NO PARTY

Guess who turned 5?

From Kelly:



Wonderful, wonderful post! So glad I read this tonight - right when I needed it. :)

I do have a question. Have any of your girls given you "attitude" day after day with doing their school work? We are homeschooling our oldest daughter. She is in second grade now and despite getting amazing grades, she constantly has a rough attitude about actually doing her work. I mean daily... with the grumpy attitude. I feel like I am at the end of my rope and really don't even know how to tackle this with her? I've tried and tried to talk to her about getting her work done - hoping she will open up and talk to me. We've tried to talk it out, we've tried to get strict, we've tried to be encouraging and supportive, we've tried everything we can think of to open her up to doing school work during the week...yet, nothing seems to help her attitude.

Overall she is a wonderful, happy, helpful little girl! Really the only thing she gives us attitude about is having to do her school work. 

To me, it seems as though she wants me to sit down next to her, during our entire 'school day' to help her with every single question. Keep in mind, she is getting such good grades, I can clearly see that she KNOWS what she is doing and doesn't exactly need me helping her with every single question.

We also have 3 and 4 year old daughters at home, as well as another baby girl who is due in July. So in many ways, I feel like I am being pulled in every direction. (Don't all mothers!?! lol) I'm fretting about starting kindergarten in the fall with our soon to be 5 year old because she too is showing "attitude" about school work. For example; I have been trying to teach her how to hold her pencil or crayon the correct way for MONTHS on end and no matter how I try to help her, she ends up with a grumpy attitude towards me and about school in general. :( So I am nervous about really starting school with her when something as *simple* as trying to hold the pencil the right way turns into such an issue.

We love our girls and we desperately want homeschooling to be an enjoyable experience for all of us, unfortunately it hasn't been too enjoyable this year! Have you experienced this with any of your girls? If so, how did you and your husband correct the situation to make it more enjoyable for everyone involved? I don't even know what to do at this point....

I look forward to hearing back from you!

~ ~ ~

Hang in there, Kelly!!!


I think ALL kiddos struggle with poor attitudes in from time to time.  Mine do.  And truthfully- so do I!

Coincidentally I recently met several moms who, when realizing that I am a homeshooler, confided that had also been homeschoolers, but gave up homeschooling their "difficult one(s)" thinking that somehow sending them to school would make their lives easier.  They testified that the exact opposite was the case and shared their deep regret in giving up.

What made them throw in the towel?

I think, just like us, they wanted a quick resolve to behavioral issues in their homes.

But if we could step back and see the forest for the trees, I think we would see that what we really want is our children to be aware of their need for Christ; to see them mature in their faith and to see a greater display of the fruits of the Spirit in our own lives.  

How can all that happen?  It happens best when we need Christ to help us to deal with the sin that is right here- in us and in our children.  

And homeschooling is the perfect environment to see it all.  :)

This is where I would begin:



1.  PRAYER.  I know that we are not supposed to grow weary in well doing (Galatians 6:9) but I also know that we all can struggle with that from time to time.  Truly, Our Most Powerful Tool in Parenting  is prayer.  First, we need to ask the Lord to give us patience and encouragement.  Some things we wish would resolve in a day or two simply don't. We need the help of the Holy Spirit not only to navigate and reveal any attitudes/methods that might be causing this little one to be struggling, but also to help us to have a proper perspective as we train our children.


2.  VISION.  Often our children can be won over by our understanding and by giving them a vision for what we are asking them to do.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." 

Proverbs 29:18 

Why should she learn?  How can her knowledge be used to serve the Lord?  Why should she work hard and with a good attitude?  Seek to cast a vision for a higher goal you are aiming her toward.

God made us to work and everyone has a job to do.  Daddy serves God and his family by going to work and earning money.  Mommy stays home and serves God as a wife, a mommy and a homemaker.  And her job is to serve God by obeying her parents and by learning for His glory.  He has plans to use all she is learning in the future!  Show her how.

Providing reinforcement to under gird this concept is wise.  For example, reading books where children cheerfully work and do their school work; using devotionals that esteem hard work and even videos that model this idea will help drive home what you are trying to get across.

As parents we also need vision- 

we need the vision to see that our 

homeschooling is a discipling process.  

So often we become discouraged when 

we have to stop and deal with negative 

attitudes rather than realizing we get 

to stop and deal with negative attitudes.

We are tempted to fear that we are failing when we are struggling through character issues, but dear soldier you are right where you are supposed to be.  If we can temper our correction with sympathy and patience, God seems to use these difficulties in their lives to show them their need for Christ.  Our children must see that it is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick (Matthew 9:12).  And as they struggle, often they realize how much they need the Lord's help to overcome their sin.  

The truth is that we all grow more in adversity than in times of pleasure (Eccl. 7:2-4).  These "house of mourning" times, when we feel at the end of our rope, are when we depend more on Him and grow in wisdom.


3.  SELF CONTROL.  Worldly Psychologists may instruct parents to let children vent their feelings when frustrated (punch a punching bag etc.).  But what does the Word of God say?

"A fool vents all his feelings, 

But a wise man holds them back."

Proverbs 29:11

The Lord says that learning to hold back our negative feelings is wise.  I think we all know that the sooner we learn that, the less repenting we find ourselves needing to do.  We all have various things that bug us or that we really don't want to do.  Does that mean that we should vent all those feelings?  In this case, that is up to you, the parent.  

You can make this an obedience/self-control training issue and tell her that she needs to learn to hold back her negative feelings both to help her to be a happier girl and to help her younger siblings to be happier.  Remind her of that goal when she begins to vent things she shouldn't.  Proverbs 13:15 says that "the way of the transgressor is hard."  It is our goal as parents to consistently and kindly dole out hard consequences in a sympathetic and patient manner.  If my children need a consequence, you will often hear me sympathetically say, "I am sorry you chose that" and reminding them what Proverbs 13:15 says.


4. ON THE SAME TEAM.  It is important to acknowledge and communicate that you are on the same team with your little one.  Make sure you both know that while you do have an enemy, it is not one another.  :)

There are times you may want to alter the curriculum or take a break from one learning style to try another one.  Let her know your goal is to help things go well for her.



Sometimes homeschooling is no party.  But, it is a fantastic means of discipling our children and growing in maturity ourselves.

Let's believe God's Truth together-  

we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us!  

Blessings friend,

P.S.  Congratulations on the new baby on the way!  It sounds like the Lord is filling your home with girls, just like ours!

LEARNING TO SYMPATHIZE

Reformation Celebration 2011.  Cousins Katelyn and Michaela just
after their team won the barrel pushing contest!

"A parent loses his opportunity for good to his child, 
if he fails to have sympathy with this child in that
child's weakness and follies and misdoings.  

It is in every child's nature to long 
for sympathy at the point where he needs it most; 
and when he has done wrong, or is feeling the force of temptation, 
he is glad to turn to some one stronger than himself, 
and make confession of his faults and failures. 

If he comes to his parents at such time, and he is met with manifest sympathy,

he is drawn to his parents with new confidence and new trust." 

- Henry Clay Trumbull

The girl teams had to push the barrels by hand; the boys had to get on to roll theirs!

 

 

 

CHOOSING SYMPATHY


The Lord has been speaking to my heart about the value of sympathy.  The above quote has been continually brought to mind day after day and week after week.  And as I read the Word my thoughts continually go back to one word:  Sympathy.

Isn't it kind of the Lord to not only show me the importance of this area, but to give me no shortage of opportunities to show sympathy at the same time?

Earlier this week as I planned to carve out just a few moments to work on this post one child bounded in my room asking me to read with her.  I agreed and put my laptop aside.  As I picked up my nearby coffee to take a sip I heard a crash-  she had knocked over the lamp at the side of my husbands bed (for the second time in the past few days).  Broken glass from the light bulb was on the carpet.

Then, before I had the chance to respond, another daughter ran in exclaiming, "Oh good.  You are on your bed.  Your bed is so cozy!" she hollered as she dove right on- knocking into my arm and spilling my coffee all over my white comforter.
I did my best not to respond at all at that moment.  As I took the comforter off my bed to place it into the washing machine I closed my eyes and thought: Sympathy.  I smiled.  This was an opportunity.

Sometimes- often- I find that sympathy is a choice.  And something I am working to cultivate in greater measure.

The Reformation play.  Faith (Isabeau) caught in the woods and sentenced to

imprisonment for ministering to the Protestants.

THE HABIT OF SYMPATHY


I say that I am working at cultivating sympathy, because there are times when I do not feel it naturally.  And there are plenty of times when I fail to be sympathetic. 

Today I failed.  I asked one of the girls to water our strawberries and when I looked outside she was watering a rock.  A rock.  In an area that I had spent quite a bit of time weeding just a few days before.  A few inches over were the strawberries- as parched as ever.  But that rock... well, it was getting all the attention.  And I did not feel very sympathetic.

I hollered out the back door asking what she was doing and you know- I believe she had no idea why she was doing what she was doing.  She was just experimenting.  Making her own waterfall.  And although she needed guidance- she also could've used a little sympathy.

Just as with other good habits, practice makes progress.  I see the value in choosing to be sympathetic with our children's weaknesses and being the person they can trust with their failings and hurts. 

The Lord helping me, I need create a habit of sympathy.  

Fun friends- Morgan and Michaela (M and M)

SYMPATHY BUILDS HEART BRIDGES

I have really been amazed at the power of sympathy in wooing and winning the hearts of my children. 

Recently two children had a conflict.  As I met with both girls individually with this thought of sympathy in mind I found it to be such a bridge between our hearts.

 

A conflict that could have ended simply as an irritant became the Sovereign grit that worked to smooth and polish their hearts for His glory.  By being sympathetic- both with their failings and with their hurts- I had entered into their world. 

I had gone beyond patiently waiting for an explanation so that I could dole out a punishment to really hearing where they were.  And as I did that, something amazing happened.  They become exceptionally reasonable.  There were no walls or defenses up and they could hear my counsel easily.  As I shared a perspective from God's Word they knew the truth of it and were even thankful for His wisdom in allowing conflict.  There was genuine repententance and an anxiousness to reconcile.

 

There is power in sympathy.

As the girls worked on their daily writing assignments this week I found the following worked into their papers:

"Mama is sweet and she builds people up...  I thank God for her every day."

"My mom is the best mom there is... If I am having trouble we can talk about it."

No, I did not pay them to write sweet things about me...  I would have, but it didn't cross my mind.  ;)   This was all due to the power of sympathy- and the Lord helping me to employ it. 

I can think of plenty of times when I have not been as sympathetic as I wish I had (cringe).  But how thankful I am for the Lord's mercy and the opportunity to begin again each day.

There is power in sympathy.  It is the power to build heart bridges. 

 

Part of the cast from the Reformation play- our wonderful director (Joel) in the center. 

These are such great kids.  Really great.

A BEHAVIORAL PROBLEM


The other day while our children were playing at a park, my husband was talking with another father. The father was complaining that his son was a real behavioral problem. Within minutes the little boy (about 4 or 5 years old) was crying. It appeared he had fallen down in the bark. "Is your leg broken?" the father shouted across the play yard? "Are you bleeding?" he continued. "Get up and stop crying." the father commanded. The little boy turned his head and quieted his crying. The father laughed and shrugged off this interruption to his conversation. 

A few moments later one of my daughters ran up to me and quietly explained that the little boy had not just tripped- he been pushed off the platform which was about five feet off the ground by another child. And when he had hoped for sympathy and tenderness by someone who cared- he was mocked publicly for his crying in front of the bully who had injured him.

Ouch. We can all relate to this.  By that I mean that as parents we have all misjudged a situation at some time or another.  My desire is not to judge that father- in fact, you may notice that I rarely use examples of others failings in my writing (I have enough of my own). 

But I wondered, could it be possible that some of this little boy's "behavioral problems" might be mended by a small dose of sympathy?

Fun loving cousins- Lydia, Mercy and Hailey.

CAN WE BE TOO SYMPATHETIC?

I know that we worry about the implications of being overly sympathetic with our children- especially boys. If we sympathize with them when they are injured we fear that we will create whiny, wimpy children who run to Mama for every little offense, right?  And isn't there a place to say "shake it off"?  Absolutely there is. 

Once we know the scenario, we might need to ask our kiddos to stop crying or shake it off.  Once we know the scenario...

 

And I hope you realize that I am not suggesting that we should ever reward spoiled or demanding behavior or overlook disobedience.  Not at all.  Not ever.  We cannot overlook issues and call it grace.  That is not grace- it is negligence.  But sympathy doesn't over look.

 

Sympathy is a spirit needed in times of childish foolishness; when a child is struggling with temptation; in times of injury and when a child has failed and is in need of being restored. 

It is a sincere concern for our children's souls and creates a strength of character, not a wimpy character.

Instead of a child needing to demonstrate how hurt they are for an ounce of attention, we let them know we are concerned and on their team right off the bat. 

When enter into their troubles and concerns, we win the opportunity to direct their hearts toward godliness and they will hear us when we let them know this is one of those times to shake it off. 

  

We can be too hands off- ignoring what is really happening- but we cannot be too sympathetic.

Faith (left) played Isabeau a brave Huguenot who ministered to the needs of the saints and her friend Kelsey (right)played a heartless aristocrat who relished in the sufferings of the Huguenots.  Kelsey is a real sweetie in real life.

BEARING ONE ANOTHER'S BURDENS-  IT'S THE LAW


We need to guide and correct our children often.  We live in a fallen world.  But as I was working through this idea of sympathy it occurred to me that this might also be called bearing one another's burdens.  Which happens to fulfill the law...

^"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression,

you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.

Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 

Bear one another’s burdens, and  so fulfill the law of Christ." 

Galatians 6:1-2

John Mac Arthur says this about bearing one another's burdens:

"The troubles of this world are manifold and relentless...  We worry. We grieve. We stumble. We strain under the toil of our daily labors. We feel the guilt of our fallen condition. Meanwhile, we are assaulted with adversities of various kinds. Those are just a few of the many worldly burdens that frequently keep our thoughts from rising to heaven.

Paul made this duty (of bearing one another's burdens) a high priority. It was the centerpiece of his admonitions to the Galatian churches. The first half (or more) of Galatians is a defense of justification by faith and a series of arguments against the false teaching that threatened to place those churches in bondage to the Law. In Galatians 5:14 he reminded them: “The whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”

How is that love best manifest? “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (6:2).
The first and preeminent example of burden-bearing Paul mentions involves dealing with the burden of another Christian’s sin. “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (v. 1). That, of course, isn’t a different approach from the steps of church discipline Jesus outlined in Matthew 18:15–17. It merely explains how that process is to be carried out (gently and meekly), and it underscores the true goal (restoration, not punishment or public rebuke per se).

Sarah and her sweet friend Eve.

In other words, the person restoring the sinning brother isn’t to approach him as if he were a master over him but meekly — as one who is willing to help shoulder the burden so that the one who has stumbled can get to his feet again.

Verse 2 then simply states the underlying principle as an imperative (“Bear one another’s burdens”). Obviously, the precept applies to all kinds of burdens — not merely the burdens of those who stumble into sin. When Paul suggests that burden-bearing “fulfill[s] the law of Christ,” he makes it clear that he has the whole moral law in view. Every act of compassion and self-sacrifice on behalf of our brethren is a practical means of displaying the love of Christ and thereby fulfilling the moral demands of His law...

Do you want to fulfill the moral requirements of the Law? Love your neighbor. How do you love him? By bearing his burdens.

It’s interesting that Paul would emphasize this theme in an epistle written to confront people who were falling into legalism. It’s as if he were saying, “You want to observe a law? Let it be the law of Christ. If you have to impose burdens on yourselves, let it be through acts of love toward your neighbor.”
 

Is that not often the job of parenting- gently restoring our children?  It is a fulfilling of the law.

Our three oldest girls at dress rehearsal.

THE MOST IMPORTANT CHANGE

The following inscription is found on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abbey:

“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits,

I dreamed of changing the world.

As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change –

So I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country,

but it too seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing

only my family, those closest to me,

but alas, they would have none of it.

And now I realize as I lie on my deathbed, if I had only changed myself first,

then by example I might have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have

been able to better my country,

And who knows, I might have even changed the world.”

We love these brothers.

 

There are traits we so desire to see in our children. Grace, patience, kindness- even sympathy.

But I wonder if they first need to be seen in us. 

 

Game spectators on hay bale seating.

 

 

 

Blessings friends,

_________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Photos:  From our Reformation celebration.  This year our attention was focused on the French Huguenots (from whom we are descended) and their persecution following the revocation of the Edict of Nantes which had granted them some religious freedom.  By studying persecution we hope to prepare our children and ourselves in advance for persecution that will surely come to each of us in some form or another.  "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted..."  2 Timothy 3:12. 

 

A statue at the cemetery marking the St. Bartholomew's massacre.

IMPERFECT PERFECT

"Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful."

~Annette Funicello

Life is not perfect. It is made up of many moments that are far from it. But aren't they somehow imperfectly perfect?


Tufts of hair landing in the eyes of a frowny baby face who isn't getting her way- again. Time to correct and hide a smile at the same time. Imperfect perfect.


Being sick for days-- completely stuck in bed. And yet the kids are good. And there is time to consider bigger things. Imperfect perfect.


Telling my kids my all time most embarrasing moment (for the third time in a weekend- as if they've never heard it) just so they can laugh at the twelve year old version of me. Imperfect perfect.


Asking my daughter what to do if a fire alarm goes off in a building only to hear her reply confidently: "Stop, drop and roll!" Ya- she is a goner. Imperfect perfect.


Watching my husband break every child labor law; forcing the kids to work outside in the heat. "They'll appreciate it later" he states confidently. Imperfect perfect.


Waiting far longer than we planned outside of Starbucks while the kids watch their daddy share the gospel and pray with a lost young man. Well, that one just somehow felt perfect- but I didn't have a tract to hand him. Imperfect perfect.

I pray that you will enjoy the imperfect perfect moments of today! Life will never be perfect, but it can be wonderful.

With joy,

If you are struggling as a mom today, be sure to read this article. It is fantastic.

I DON'T WANT TO OBEY YOU!

Lydia (age 6) to Hailey (age 3):

Lydia: Hailey, aren't you supposed to eat that string cheese at the table?

Hailey: No...

Lydia: Don't you want to obey Mama and Pa?

Hailey: Ya, but I don't want to obey you!

 

When I heard the above interaction, it struck me a little funny. And then I thought, "That is typical though, isn't it?" It's often the same way in the big church.
 

Here Lydia was faithfully reminding Hailey of the rule that she is required to eat at the table and Hailey was rebelling against it- saying that she wanted to obey me... but not Lydia.

Of course, taking Lydia's counsel would be obeying me. It was my rule after all.

Do you think believers are receptive when people approach them with God's Word and remind them of the commands of God? Have you ever tried to correct someone privately and been attacked for it?

I think over time we learn to shy away from correcting those in sin because we fear their response. But in obedience we are to correct- and leave the repentance up to God.

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged.

With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,

And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

2 Timothy 2:24-25

Preach the world; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.

2 Timothy 4:2

Did you see these brave sisters addressing the issue of modesty in a recent film being marketed to Christians? It's a good read.
Blessings!

The Right Word

The ladies in our church organize various gatherings each year and invite women from all over to join us. Here I am pictured with my sister and two friends who drove some distance to be with us. Pictured from left: Gabe, my sister Elizabeth, myself and Suzy.

I am beyond thankful to fellowship with an amazing group of women each week. These ladies set the bar so high as they live their faith in love and service.

So often their examples inspire discussion in our home and provide a lovely model for my daughters. They are sincere women who do not seek to call attention to themselves, but simply serve where God has placed them.

Truthfully, I am honored just to be in their number. And so, I felt especially honored to be asked to join with the speakers at a recent Women's brunch and have the opportunity to share my heart. The topic I was asked to speak on: The Right Word.

Welcome

I wanted to share these thoughts on speaking the right word in our homes with you as well. What I am sharing here is just a humble recap of what the Lord has taught me about speaking the right words-- because I needed to be taught by Him.

We had seventy women and young ladies in attendance. As I shared it was with laughter and quite a few tears, which is often the case when women gather and share the deep life changing work of God in our lives. May God be praised forever!

With love and joy!

Good afternoon ladies. I feel so privileged to speak to you today. Most of you know me, but for those who may not, my name is Rebecca. By God's grace, I've been married to my husband, Tom for nineteen years and we have five girls from the ages of 2 to 13.

While I can truthfully say that today our home is one of blessing and peace, it is nothing short of a miracle that I am standing before you today speaking on the topic of using the right words in our homes. You see, speaking the right word has not always been a strong point for me.

I grew up in a home with a lot of fighting. My father, who decades later came to saving faith was, during my formative years an alcoholic. As his drinking increased, so did the fighting between he and my mom. He began to keep poor company, miss work and eventually have trouble with the police. It was a stressful time.

People process trial in different ways. I became very self reliant and thought I needed to fight to get my way in life. I was angry and stumbled my way through life with little guidance or interest.

At 17, I met the boy who would be my future husband. Tom and I began dating and on June 16th, 1991-- three years after he first asked for my phone number-- we were married. I know that it may sound odd, but I wasn't the kind of girl who dreamed of her wedding day or imagined living happily ever after. Sadly, I had no such ideal in mind. Truth be told, I was afraid to be vulnerable and instead I found myself looking for ways to be in control.

Proverbs 14:1 says: "A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." That is what I was doing.

I was blind to the reality that I was losing far more than I was gaining in my effort to get my way. While I thought I was being strong and in control, I really lacked self control. I was a slave to sin and could not even rule my own spirit. And I didn't know it then, but there were times when Tom wanted to leave me.

Well, God knew. And in the fullness of time, when it would bring Him the most glory and for His purpose, He intervened in our lives. He drew both of us to Himself. He made us new in Christ and began to wash our minds with His truth.

Today I want to share some of the things the Lord has shown me over the years about speaking the right word in my home. Proverbs 12:20: says "There is joy for those who promote peace." It is my prayer that our homes would shine with this kind of joy and peace.

Women sharing hearts and hands.

GOD GIVES US POWER OVER OUR WORDS

One of the first things the Lord showed me once we become new creatures in Christ, was that I can have power over my words.

Romans 6:22 says: But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap is holiness, and the result is eternal life.

And Jesus told the Jews in John 8:32: You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

Before coming to faith in Christ we are slaves to sin. Like soldiers in an army we obey the spirit of this world. The Word says when we were unbelievers we stumbled and didn't even know what caused it. But once we become new creatures in Christ we are like a soldier released from duty. We may have served the enemy commander for many years, marched in rank with his troops, and when when we see our old commander coming our way, our first reaction may be to salute him. But we are no longer in that army. We are servants to a new leader who is Christ Jesus. And we are freed to obey Him.

Romans 6:17-18: But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves of sin... you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Ephesians 4:22-24 says: Put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires... and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

Those verses remind me of when I first came to faith. What a year of change. Our friends and family weren't quite sure what to do with us. We couldn't help but tell others about the Lord and how He made a way of salvation for us. We were so excited and the changes God was making were undeniable.

At one point I remember my step father accused us of being "put ons." Those were his words. At first I was kind of hurt and unhappy by the idea of being called a "put on." I mean, what kind of thing is that to say? But then the Lord showed me those verses in Ephesians and encouraged me that I was doing just what he wanted me to. I was a put on. It was a choice to put on the new man and for the first time, I had the ability to chose it.

Thankfully, my step father has since come to faith in Christ and he too is a "put on." He has has changed so much and loves to share what God has done in his heart.

You know, GOD has given us liberty to change and to rule our own spirits. Ladies, there is hope in that. We are not stuck. We may need to create new habits, but because of the rebirth in our hearts, we have the power to do it.

The lovely Chamberlain ladies served us by providing a wonderful brunch.

GOD WANTS OUR WORDS TO BE PURPOSEFUL

GOD IS purposeful. I want to take a minute to look at some verses that talk about our words and see what God says about the purpose of our speech. If you are like me, you may begin to feel a little queasy as I read these, because we are keenly aware of our own weaknesses. James says: If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man. We are not perfect, but GOD has given us a standard. And as we depend on the Holy Spirit, we can grow in self control over our words.

1. Ephesians 4:29- Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. What are our words supposed to accomplish in this verse? They are for edification or encouragement; they are specific to the need of the moment and they are to give grace to those who hear them.

2. Proverbs 10:11- The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Our words are supposed to be like a fountain of life, they are not be violent or just barely concealing hatred. They are not to stab or slander, but they are to speak words of life.

3. 1 Thessalonians 4:18- Therefore comfort one another with these words. Paul is writing to remind believers to comfort one another with the truth of Scripture in difficult times- our words are to bring comfort to other believers. We do not need to seek out the wisdom of this world, but we are to share the truth of God's Word.

4. Hebrews 3:13- But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. We don't often think of our words being so powerful, but we are told that as we encourage our brothers and sisters day by day we are keeping their hearts from being hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Those words "sin's deceitfulness" are interesting, aren't they? They are very similar to the words in Ephesians we just read that talks about the old self being corrupted by "deceitful desires." Sin- and sinful desires- are deceitful. They lie and tell us they will satisfy. But the truth is, only obedience to Christ and esteeming others more highly than ourselves truly satisfies.

5. 1 Thessalonians 5:14: We urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Our words have a specific purpose, based on the circumstances God brings to our path. Using our words correctly is a skill. In fact, the Hebrew word "mouth" is "peh" which can be translated edge. Our mouths can be like knives-- bringing healing, like in the hand of a skillful surgeon or destruction like in the hand of a criminal. Of course we must remember that even though the skillful surgeon brings healing, he first brings pain. When we warn the idle or encourage the timid we may first cause a bit of pain to our friend, spouse, or child, but if done in love, those momentary painful words will bring healing and growth. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

6. 1 Peter 3:15- But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. Do this with gentleness and respect. With our words we give an answer for our faith in Christ, our hope. We are to share the gospel and are witness of the truth with gentleness and respect.

We are tempted to think these verses are God's helpful tips for our words, but if you look at their wording of these verses, you will see they are GOD's commands. The Lord says that if we love Him we will obey His commands. The purpose of our words is to edify, to speak life and truth, to remind others of God's Word in hard times, and to keep the hearts around us soft. These are right words.

Wendy did a wonderful job leading our time together.

THE BLESSING OF A GUARD

In the spirit of being purposeful, I have begun to do a special evening Bible study with our older girls. We are studying Loving God with all our Minds by Elizabeth George and we are loving it. In our first lesson we were looking up verses related to how God's Word helps us to shape our thoughts and in our study Elizabeth George mentioned that God's Word serves to "curb" our thoughts to keep them on the right path.

That instantly brought bumper bowling to mind. Have you done that with your kids? You take them to the bowling alley and, if they are little, you can get these inflatable bumpers that go in the gutters, right? That way, no matter how unskilled they are at throwing that ball, it can bounce back and forth but it will never end up in the gutter. They always hit at least one pin.

Well, God wants things to go well for us and so, He's given us Philippians 4:8-9 as our inflatable bumpers: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

So, why do I bring up meditation when we are talking about using the right words? Well, for a couple of reasons.

First, it dawned on me recently that if something is not supposed to be in someone else's brain as their meditation, maybe it shouldn't come out of my mouth. So often we think others are responsible for their own thought life and we see our words as being completely separate from that. But what we say goes directly in someone else's brain for their meditation. As we speak, we are helping to create the meditation of someone else. If I want to build up and do not want to stumble those around me, I need to be careful in what I say.

This is especially true as we speak into the lives of our husbands and closest friends. So often, as we speak behind closed doors, we think are free to speak whatever we want to, but if we desire the best for our friends and family, and want them to have a right meditation before the Lord, we should be on our guard to speak the types of things listed in Philippians 4:8-9. Let us not cause the ones we love the most to stumble.

If you haven't studied Philippians 4:8-9 in a while, I would encourage you to write them down point by point and really contemplate each one. For example, as we are told what things the believer is to meditate on, we read:

Whatever things are true. Take time to think about and write out what true means. Before we dwell on a thought or speak on a subject are we asking ourselves- are these words true? Are they reliable and Scriptural? Are they even real?

I found a study conducted on worry and anxiety recently in which researchers found that 40% of the things people worry about are things that have never happened, 30% are things that cannot be changed by worry, 12% are needless worries about health, 10% are petty, miscellaneous worries, and only 8% were real, legitimate worries. In other word, almost 100% of the things people worry about are not true, are not real and cannot be helped by worry.

This brings up the other reason I bring up our meditation. I would say that 99.99% of the time I blow it in my speech, it is because my meditation is poor. If I begin to meditate on how I deserve better, rather that how I can esteem others, I will blow it. Or if I begin to get myself all wound up about how someone else sees me rather than on how God sees me, I will blow it. When we disobey this command and meditate on things that are untrue it is far more likely that our peace will disappear and we will say something we will later regret.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says: For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to obedience of Christ.

As we focus on what is true or real, and cast down imaginations, we will enjoy the peace God intends and our mouths will reflect those thoughts.

Whatever things are noble. The next command is to meditate on whatever is noble. Greek term means "worthy of respect." Do we meditate on what is worthy of awe? Are we memorizing Scripture? That's a great way to meditate on what is noble. The word noble also brings thoughts of royalty to mind. As children of the King, do our words reflect nobility? Is what I am about to say demonstrating high moral character and ideals? Is it fitting a person of my rank? Just as an ambassador does not speak on his own accord and should not involve himself in petty disputes, we are to be careful to exhibit excellence in our speech.

You get the idea. Each part of Philippians 4:8 is packed with depth to explore.

We think many thoughts each day, so this takes practice! Paul continues in this passage to say, "These things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these things put into practice, and the God of peace will be with you."

As we use Philippians 4:8-9 to guard our thoughts, like those inflatable bumpers at the bowling alley, they may bounce around but they will never take us into the gutter.

I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except by Me.

WE HAVE AN ENEMY, BUT IT IS NOT ONE ANOTHER

Okay this next point has been a gem to me. The Lord began to show me from Scripture that I have an enemy, but it is usually not those around me. Do you find it is easy to become adversarial when you meet challenges in your home? It's almost a knee jerk reaction, right? The big things in life we see as trials, but when we encounter daily interactions, where our ideas clash with someone else's or when someone is only looking out for their own interests-- well, it is tempting to see who ever is opposing us as the enemy and enter into battle. Peter tells us we must be on the alert.

1 Peter 5:8 says: Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

We have a real enemy, but it is usually not those around us. God warned Cain that sin was crouching at the door waiting for him. If we forget or are unaware of who our real enemy is in times of conflict, or if we allow those who speak into our lives to forget it, then we are clearly giving our enemy an advantage.

I recently studied the Civil War with our girls and it is said at first, the Confederate Army did not have set uniforms. Each area just came up with their own color and some showed up to battle in the same color outfit as the enemy. Can you imagine the confusion that likely caused? Let's not be confused by those around us. They are likely not the enemy- even if they look like it at the moment.

Ephesians 6:12 says: Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

How would your response to those around you change if you could remember in times of conflict that our enemy is not flesh and blood?

1. How about when your child disobeys you or is arguing with a sibling? How could truth of knowing who your enemy is, cause you to respond in a God honoring way?

If you are like me, when you hear arguing you instantly think you know what is happening on the other side of the house. Who needs a trial, right? You know exactly what happened and who started it. But that is not Philippians 4:8-9. When I do that I am always headed for trouble. One of the points in those verses is to meditate on whatever is right. When I start heading towards a conflict, making assumptions, I am rarely ever right. And I always regret it.

But when I keep this in mind: that I have an enemy, but it is not those around me. I am far more likely to go with a spirit of helping wounded soldier rather than siding with the Accuser of the brethren. I can take those kiddos and wrap my arms around them and remind them that they have an enemy, but it is not their sister and it is not me. When I go to my children with that spirit, we are far more likely to go the Lord in prayer, truly confess our sin and ask for His help in our lives. Proverbs 15:1 says: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. This is certainly the case.

2. Maybe you have a friend or a family member that is insensitive to your feelings, or always assumes the worst. Or maybe someone has come to you with a complaint about that type of person. How could knowing that we have an enemy, but that it is not the person in question, cause you to respond in a God honoring way?

3. Let's up the anti. What if that person is your spouse. And what if he decides that your family is going to something one way and you think it should be done another way? Or what if you don't think he's doing what he should in some area. Are you tempted to argue or withdraw and see him as the enemy? Or do you respond gently? That does not mean that we cannot give our opinions, but when a final decision has been made, do we take our concerns to the Lord or do we fight?

I love the verses in 1 Peter 3. In verse 3 we are told not to make our beauty merely outward, but to cultivate the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God. We are told that we are just like the holy women of old who trust GOD and adorned themselves with submission to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham. We are daughters of Sarah if we do good and are not afraid with any terror.

In this context Peter's exhortation is to the Christian woman who is married to an unbeliever. That could be a reason to fear. And yet, we are told not to fear or be terrified. How many of us are like that study on fear and anxiety and spend countless hours worrying about things that have never happened?

Our husband is not the enemy. God is on the throne. He controls the heart of the king and he certainly controls the hearts of our husbands. What a great resting place for our hearts that tend to fear.

Paul exhorts us more than once in the book of Philippians (1:27 and 2:2) to choose to be of the same mind and to strive together for the gospel, rather than against one another.

And, as you know, in 1 Corinthians 13, the Lord tells us what love is. And we find the mind blowing idea that it is not about feelings at all:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... There are no feelings in those verses. Those are actions that as believers, we have the power to do.

Dear ladies, I know we live in a culture that says we need to "keep it real" in order to be hearable, but I am convinced that we serve a God who says we need to keep it edifying.

To be useful, we need to ask the Lord to help us to put a guard over our mouths and see those around us as being on our team. And I would encourage you to remember that you have an enemy, but it is not one another.

My dear friend Dana did a fantastic job speaking on Shining the Joy of Christ into our Homes.

THE POWER OF SPEAKING THE GOOD

I want to close today with a story that demonstrates the power of words. Sharon Jaynes has said, in her book The Power of a Woman's Words, that our words are the mirror in which people see themselves.

As you think about the words you speak, what kind of mirror would you say you are providing for your husband, your children, siblings and friends? Are you helping them to see their God given talents, they ways in which the Lord has grown them and the way God is caring for them each day?

Proverbs 3:7 says: "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act."

We have the power to help others see themselves the way God sees them, to build up and to edify. Do not withhold a good word from those around you.

He was in the first third-grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minnesota. All thirty-four of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.

Mark also talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. "Thank you for correcting me Sister!" I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it several times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made the novice-teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, 'If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!'

It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, 'Mark is talking again.' I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it.

I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened the drawer, and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room.

As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me Sister."

At the end of the year I was asked to teach Junior High math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the new math, he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he did in the third.

One Friday things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were growing frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish the assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. And Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me Sister. Have a good weekend."

That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling, "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much!"

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and with one another again.

That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents picked me up at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experiences in general. There was a slight lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Ecklunds called last night," he began.

"Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is."

Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like if you could attend." To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark.

I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me.

The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played "Taps." One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin.

I was the last one. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who had acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," he said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking, that the papers were the ones which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "as you can see, Mark treasured it."

Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. It is in my diary." Then Vicky, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet, and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicky said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists."

Ladies, our words will echo in the hearts of those around us. They will likely remain long after we have left this earth. The things we say to encourage the good will likely be just like Mark's paper-- opened many times in dark hours.

Our words have the power to propel others to love and good deeds. They bring the gospel to the lost and keep the hearts of those around us from becoming hardened.

As you create a keepsake on the hearts of your family and friends, I pray that God would bless your efforts. I know that it is an effort to control our tongues and to speak the right words, but in Christ we have the power to do it.

May we chose to say with Paul, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Thank you.