SALTY LANGUAGE

 

 

 

 

SHOULD WE TEACH CHILDREN TO SWEAR?


Recently I was sent a copy of a post by a professing Christian mom who was encouraging parents to teach their children what she called "salty" language. 

As I continued to read, I quickly realized that by "salty" language this author meant that we should teach our children to swear (use curse words) in order to better express their feelings to a listening world.  That if a topic is serious, then it requires serious words-- including the cuss words most Christians generally view as off limits.

Is this modern call to create a cussing Christian really "salty" language or would it be better characterized as "salt that has lost it's flavor" language?



WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?


Some might argue that it is meaningless to worry about words.  I mean, why are some words "bad" and others "good."  Isn't it all just cultural anyway? 

We see movies and TV shows that model cursing as a "norm" and call the language "adult" rather than defiled.  And maybe in that is the heart of the problem.  If our minds are not continually renewed by the Word of God, it can be easy to be swept away by the world's way of thinking and talking. 

If we consider the swear words in our culture, it is easy to see that many of the words either coarsely describe areas of the body meant to be covered; the elimination of waste or sexuality.  Even if we don't take God's name in vain, do we gain the impression from Scripture that Believers should really be coarsely talking about such things?

"What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them,

but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them...

Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes

into the stomach and then out of the body? 

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth

come from the heart, and these defile them." 

~Matthew 15:11, 17-18

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice,

blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the

old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man,

which is renewed in knowledge after the image

of him that created him.

~Colossians 3:8-10

WHAT WE WILL ENCOURAGE OUR GIRLS


1.  Take your lead from the Word.  Either because of poor example, or the desire to prove that we are cool with Jesus but not legalistic, more and more professing Christians seem to be confused about this issue.  Maybe it would help us to remember that Moses was not commanded to curse in order for Pharaoh to hear the seriousness of God's demands, nor did Christ curse in order to prove the seriousness of His message.  If God's ambassadors, in more trying times than ours, have not taken up coarse talk in order to make themselves heard, I feel confident it is not necessary in our time. 

"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil,

who put darkness for light and light for darkness,

who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!" 

~Isaiah 5:20

"Set an example for the believers in speech,

in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

~1 Timothy 4:12

 

2.  Sound teaching will always produce godliness in our lives.  While some modern teachers have embraced cussing let godliness, rather than edginess, be the test of sound teaching.  If a teaching does not produce godliness, but instead derails us into vain speculations and time consuming distraction, it is probably not sound.  Love is the goal of sound teaching, not powerful words.
 

"Command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer...

Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing

God’s work—which is by faith.  The goal of this command is love,

which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

~1 Timothy 1:3-4 

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always

be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you

to give the reason for the hope that you have.

But do this with gentleness and respect."

~1 Peter 3:15

3.  Our speech reflects what is in the heart and is for the purpose of building up the church. 

"A good man brings good things out of the good

stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil

things out of the evil stored up in him."
~Matthew 12:25

 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up

according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

~Ephesians 4:29

Yes, we should teach our children salty language, but salty according to Scripture.  And we should stand against those who would sneak in and seek to change the definitions of scriptural words and imagery to paint a picture that is not true to the context of the whole of Scripture. 

We have been bought with a price.  May we teach our little ones to honor Christ with their bodies in every way.

Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least

commandments, and shall teach men so,

he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven:

but whosoever shall do and teach them,

the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 5:19

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness,
how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything,
except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot."

~Matthew 5:13
 

Blessings friends,

KEEPERS OF THE FAITH {girls group}



Look at all these sweet girls!



With back to school, a couple of my girlfriends and I decided that it would be fun to start a Keepers of the Faith group.  We loved the idea that we could work together once a month to train our girlies in a variety of skills and they could earn badges to share what they are learning.

 

 

 



Hailey painting her girl's group tote bag to carry her binder.



My dear friend, Lisa was the inspiration behind starting the group.  Thanks, Lis!





 

 

For our first meeting we sang together; worked on memorizing the Beatitudes (yep, that is a badge!), then divided the girls into two age groups. 

 

The younger girls worked on painting tote bags (to keep their Keepers Binders in) while the older girls learned about Home Decorating.  Then the older girls painted their bags while the little girls made their own hair bows. 

 

 

 

Our wonderful friend, Danielle with a couple of her little girls.

 

Our little niece, Mercy, age 8.

 

Finally, the younger children were read a passage from Little Women (chapter 11) about being content with their daily jobs while the older girls were taught a Photography skills class. 




 

Our dear Michaela, age 15.

 

 

In between classes, the girls had lunch together; worked on their Beatitudes passage and, once classes were done, had an afternoon snack and fellowship time.

   

 

Sweet girls working on memorizing the Beatitudes.

 

 

 

We decided that it would best meet the needs of our busy group to meet less often (once a month) for an entire day rather than try to meet weekly or biweekly for a shorter time. 

 

It seemed to work great and it's been so fun to see all the girls with their amazing tote bags and hair bows since then and hearing about the things they learned from the moms who were teaching those classes. 

 

 

 

 

Ellie's sweet tote.

 

 

 

If you aren't familiar with Keepers, I think one of it's strengths is that you can really customize your club in whatever way best suits your group (or family).  You can go with uniforms, or no uniforms.  Weekly meetings or monthly meetings.  With the pre-determined criteria for badges, or make your own.  It's really up to you!

 

 

Our schedule looked roughly like this:

 

 

10:00 -  Arrival and greeting time

 

10:30 -  Begin club meeting- greeting, memory verse, singing together, discussion of the day's plan

 

11:00 -  Session 1- Little girls paint canvas totes/ Older girls learn about Home Décor

 

12:00 -  Lunch break and clean up

 

1:00  -    Session 2- Little girls make their own hair bows/ Older girls paint canvas totes

 

2:00  -   Session 3- Little girls hear story about being content with their daily chores/ Older girls learn Photography skills

 

3:00  -   Snack time, clean up and fellowship

 

4:00  -   Depart for home

 

 

Badges worked on:  Beatitudes, Crafts, Home Décor and Photography

 

 

 

It was a full day and one we look forward to doing again soon!

 

Do you have plans to work with other families this year to encourage one another and work on skills?  I'd love to hear what you are doing!

    

 

  

Blessings friends,





THERE I PLANT MY FOOT

 

 

 

source

I recently finished the book, Jane Eyre.  If you have read the novel, you know that near the end of the book, Jane finds herself in a difficult and painful dilemma.  Alone in the world, an orphan from a young age, Jane has her first experience with mutual love.  She is about to marry the man who has been her employer, when she finds out- at the alter- that he is already married.  

He explains to Jane that in a cruel plot, when he was too young to see through the trick, he was duped into marrying a girl who quickly became insane.  For years he provided basic care for this violent woman but explained that in reality he never had a wife.  That he and Jane could still be man and wife (although Jane knows he really means that she would be his mistress).  And he urges her to run away with him.  No one would ever know.  Really he is the victim.  And he loves her.  For once in her life someone loves her.  

Jane's very reason begins to turn traitor against her.  She desires to comply with the man she loves and a battle begins within her heart.  Who else in the world cared for her?  Who would ever be injured by her seeking to fulfill her own chance at happiness?  And since no one would be hurt by their being together, would it really be wrong?  What of this poor man she loves?  

Finally, a glimmer of reason takes hold in the fog.  And in one of my favorite portions of the book, Jane takes her stand within herself:


"I will keep the law of God...  I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad as I am now.

Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation:  they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against all rigour...  If at my individual conscience I might break them, what would be their worth?"

"Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations are all I have at this hour to stand by:  there I plant my foot."



Predetermined ideas helped Jane to make the right choice when reason was compromised.  

At the end of the book, Charlotte Bronte demonstrates the way God used this singular moment to bless Jane and eventually makes a way in which she and her love can be married without breaking God's commands- only after a transformation in the man she loved.  It is not a perfect tale.  It was mature and complicated, but one I wanted to share with our older girls.

~~~

For some reason it reminded me of the 1980's campaign against drug use in the public schools.  It's slogan emerged when Nancy Reagan visited an elementary school in Oakland, California.  A little schoolgirl asked the first lady what she should do if she was offered drugs to which Mrs. Reagan responded, "Just say no." 

Critics of the effort said the slogan, "Just say no" was too simplistic to really help, but it did.  As Mrs. Reagan took the message throughout the US and to other nations, totaling over 250,000 miles, drug use declined. 

Could it be that if kids embraced what they wanted to do before temptation hit they would be prepared to make wise choices?  It seemed that simple.

  

 

Our children will make their mistakes in life.  But they can be helped by our simply taking the time to talk through the things they might face ahead of time.

Sometimes parents doubt the effectiveness of parental influence.  But Gary Chapman shares survey research in his book, "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers" that when teenagers were asked who had the greatest influence on their decisions- parents or friends?  The influence was parents hands down in both their thoughts and behavior.  

And these words which I command you today

shall be in your heart. 

You shall teach them diligently to your children,

and shall talk of them when you sit in your house,

when you walk by the way, when you lie down,

and when you rise up.

 

-Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Can just talking through potential difficulties ahead of time help children to know where to place their foot?  I think it may be just that simple.


Blessings to you, 

____________________

P.S.  Have you met this sweet Christian book for young girls?  Rosie is a homeschooled girl who loves God, horses and her family.  I just finished reading it to our younger girls and we all loved it!

 

OUR MOST POWERFUL TOOL IN PARENTING

I was weary.  It had been a long week and I felt like I would loose the battle.  Surely I would wave the white flag of surrender long before this miserable version of Groundhog Day would be done repeating itself again and again.


Here she was, in front of me again, frustrated and upset.  She was sure that everyone was at fault- everyone except for her that is.  Her eyes flashed and her arms were folded across her chest.  And yet I knew she was wrong- dead wrong.  Why is it that the person that usually comes to tell is often the one with the problem?

She was deceived and had been tripped again by one of the oldest tricks in the Book- the pride of life (1 John 2:16).  She seemed blind to the sin of pride this week.  Granted it changed costumes with each day-  one day it would manifest itself as being easily offended; another day it would entice her to want to be in charge; another day it would rally against something that she perceived might make her look foolish.  

And here I was- wondering how this day kept repeating and repeating itself all week.  I knew that in a few moments, once she calmed down a little, I would hold up the mirror of God's Word again and she would crack.  She would shed tears, say how repentant she was and I would forgive her.

But I was growing weary of the daily cycle.  I was desiring to see fruit worthy of repentance rather than hear about repentance- again.  I had begun to pray fervently for wisdom.


And then it occurred to me.  I was neglecting the most powerful tool we have.  

"Have you been asking the Lord to help you with this?"


How many days had I failed to be fervent in prayer and how in the world had I missed asking her that?

Ephesians 6:12 tells us:  

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood."  

Do we forget that?  

Are we tempted to think the 

struggle is with one another instead?  

It isn't.  

"No" she responded.

"Well, you cannot ever truly change without the help of God"  I encouraged her.  "Please ask Him to help you."


And the difference?  Quite honestly, it has been night and day.


As we have utilized the power of prayer, God has changed her little heart; completely changed the week I was having and brought Himself glory.

It is a true statement that He is our very present help (Psalm 46:1).  And our prayer is an act of obedience and worship (Matthew 6:5).

True, sometimes the Lord does answer us with something other than an instant yes.  George Mueller prayed for a man all of his life and it was not until years after Mueller died, the man was saved.  Paul asked to go to Rome to preach and God answered with an all expenses paid trip as a prisoner of the Roman government.  We do not always know the best course, while our sovereign Lord does.  And His timing is perfect.

Prayer is a resource that Satan doesn't possess 

and the flesh knows nothing of it.

Yet it is yours-- a powerful asset which the Lord 

warns you not to neglect.

Of course, faithful prayer is difficult, 

as the disciples discovered and as we all know.

And right here many battles are lost.

~Jay Adams

On Sunday, we heard a sermon about the man who "lived among the tombs."  in Mark 5:3  The passage says that, "no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain."  

By that wording we infer that at one time this man had been bound with chains, but over time those outward restraints were no longer effective.  I began to think about how that relates to how we interact with our children.

When children are little, we often teach them with outward restraints.  We simply make disobedience less desirable than obedience.  But as they grow, the law itself can become like weak restraints.

What really changed this man was his encounter with Christ.  He was transformed into a reasonable, clothed, and grateful person who told those around him about what the Lord had done for him.   

How often do we neglect the command to pray (Colossians 4:2) and instead rely solely on outward restraints in our parenting?  

And how often, right there is the battle lost? 

May we be fully enabled to tackle the ministry of parenting as we rely on the help of the Holy Spirit.  

Blessings friends,

RESPONDING TO CORRECTION

Have you ever given any thought to just how a worm gets into an apple? 

Maybe, like me, you have assumed that worms eat their way into an apple from the outside.  Or maybe, you have just been content with the fact that you haven't found yourself staring at only half a worm after taking a big chomp.  ;)

In either case, you might be surprised to learn that not all worms come in from the outside.  Rather, there is a species of fruit fly* that pierces an apple with a stinger and inserts what will later hatch into a worm.  Then, the worm finding itself inside the apple, will eat its way through the apple to the outside.  I know- weird.

I was using this illustration this week as I discussed the idea with our girls that sin comes from inside of us. 

Although we must choose our friends carefully, it is not our friends that make us sin.  And while we seek to keep ourselves away from temptation, it is not outside pressure that creates in us the desire to disobey God.  That sin is already there-  we were stung with it a long time ago.

So how do we respond when we are confronted with our sin? 

Certainly we should all be on guard, judging ourselves so we do not need to be judged.  But because of the very deceitful nature of sin there will be times when we are blind to our own sins and will need to be confronted by one of our brothers or sisters in the Lord. 

How will we respond?

We know how David responded when Nathan confronted him with sin:

"I have sinned against the LORD."

~2 Samuel 12:13

Not a lengthy excuse.  Not minimizing his offense.  He placed the blame squarely on himself.

Will we choose to respond like David or will we turn on the person who has come to us, saying things like "You know, you didn't correct me in the right way" or "You just don't understand me- I have a lot of pressure in my life!" 

Like David, we surround ourselves with good and godly saints.  People we admire and love.  So why is it when one of these good and godly people come to us we are so quick to turn on them? 

Well, it's not because of something on the outside.  It's because of something in us. 

One of my closest friends shared with me the premise of a book she recently read.  It was about an author who began to consider how his life would be different if he were to think of it in terms of a book he was writing. 

He began to process this idea and consider what he would want to change and how he would like his story to read in hindsight.

Isn't that an incredibly inspiring idea? 

Maybe your 'act 1' was filled with pain.  But what about 'act 2?'  Would you like the story to read that you forgave those who had hurt you and that your pain taught you to be gracious and kind to others?  That by diligent study of God's Word you were transformed in a new person? And how will 'act 2' position you to live 'act 3?'  Will the choices you make today position you toward freedom or bondage?  Toward helping others or toward needing to be helped? 

I think we need to remember that we don't despise David for his failings- and we don't excuse him because of his circumstances.  But we do rejoice in seeing his repentance and his merciful heart toward others!


Your wormy friend, 

* The Apple Maggot (Rhagoletis pomonella) uses its sharp ovipositor to pierce the skin of apples and insert its eggs. The female may live for a month and lay 300 eggs during that time.  The damage is at first only a pinprick, but the scars from these stings distort the shape of the apple as it grows, often leaving it lumpy and unattractive. On light-skinned fruits the skin is sometimes blemished from the presence of the tracks made by the maggots inside. Bagging the fruit prevents the fly from laying its eggs.

_________________________
Find the apple and worm illustration and many others in the book, With Children on Sundays.  I have to modify the lessons for our family, but the thoughts are good ones and helpful in discussing issues of character and conscience.

TEACHING THE FINE ART {of doing good}

"The finest of all the fine arts is the art of doing good

and yet it is the least cultivated."

-T. DeWitt Talmage

Our daughters Sarah (9) and Michaela (12) enjoying the chance to kayak

Do you find that people tend to be more focused on grades and SAT scores than cultivating virtue in the youth of today?  Where do we go for the models of a high moral standard and well doing? 

 
 

 

 

I love what  Karen Andreola's shares in A Charlotte Mason Companion about the idea of training children toward virtue. 

 

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN VIRTUE AND VICE

 

 

"...Character is two sided and, according to his training, his character qualities are either nurtured into virtues or allowed to degenerate into vices. 

Pity is a virtue if it cares for another. Idle pity just says, "Too bad." Pity can turn into self pity, which is not a virtue. Truth-telling is a virtue, but if it is blunt and tactless- spoken without love- it is not a virtue. The only way to make the virtue grow is to train the child's conscience and instill in him a love for others. 

To breed vices, the most powerful agent is love of self, and this almost always begins in the cradle. The toddler who cries, screams, whines or whimpers for his own way (and continually gets it) can become the youth or adult who terrorizes his family with his fits of rage. " p. 58

Sorry Hailey, your placement in this post was purely accidental *cough.*

 

Our 3 year old daughter, Hailey, really wanted to do the climbing wall like the big kids

PREVENTING FAMILY BICKERING

Karen goes on to explain that virtues must be inspired and cultivated.  A child cannot be punished into virtue.  Children need Biblical correction and they need to be inspired by heroes who embody the virtues of Scripture.  Well, I'll let Karen do the talking:

"... about family bickering.  The two main causes of them are selfishness and harsh judgement of others.  No punishment is of the smallest use to combat these.
In fact, punishment may awaken resentment and arouse greater spite against the person on whose account it occurred.  It will never diminish the selfishness.  Penalties will suffice for the moment, but another kind of correction is needed. 

Virtues, like flowers, grow in the sunshine.  You can cultivate them or draw them out with love and reason, but you can neither force nor whip them into existence.  Try to do so and the virtue you want will come forth in the guise of it's corresponding vice.  Instead of truth-speaking courage, you will get lying cowardice; instead of obedience, obstinacy."

Our 9 year old daughter, Sarah, on the archery range

  

She goes on to share that the best way to prevent bickering is to


train the child to find its happiness in giving others pleasure and to show him always how good and kind others are to him.


To let the names of mother, father, sister and brother stand for love and loving kindness to him."
If you have not always trained your children this way (and I am sure we would all admit we have not done this perfectly) she encourages the following:


"Never be cross, and never add harsh words of reproof when a child is sore under what it feels to be an injustice.

This is often difficult (YEP!  My own comment added)  to do because it is our natural response to control his temper with a stronger one of our own.  Yet I recommend you work against any tendency to overpower the child in this instance. 
 

Gently draw the belligerent mind to the fact that he is feeling very unhappy, {and} that this is merely the natural result of saying unkind things..." 

 It was nice to meet you in person Amanda!  Thanks for saying hi.  :)

GOOD BOOKS HAVE IMMENSE VALUE IN BUILDING VIRTUE


She goes on to encourage a bedtime story hour to cultivate the child's virtues and discourage bickering. 

"When the boys and girls sit round the fire with mother or father, a series of stories might be told, evening after evening, bearing on instances of love and self-denial.  Then you will have the opportunity to ask, "Wouldn't you like the chance to do such a caring thing for another person?"  p. 59

This isn't the idea of avoiding certain media for "legalistic" reasons (and I will be honest- I very much dislike the use of the word legalism at all because in our day it often amounts to little more than one man's Biblical conviction pricking another man's conscience) but we are encouraged instead to look for opportunities to build good resources into our children's hearts and minds for the purpose of cultivating virtue and teaching children to do good to others.  And yes, to skip those that don't.  

  

Our oldest daughter, Faith (14), was part of the drama team that portrayed real Bible couriers bringing Bibles into restricted countries.  These pics are from their practice.

  

She does not recommend stores such as Pinocchio because although the character has good intentions, he has a weak will.  Instead she recommends good and virtuous models such as Heidi, Hans Brinker, The Swiss Family Robinson and the like.  Stories that entertain but also model kindness, courage, generosity, loyalty, honor and working together as a family.

Faith caught with Bibles in Cuba.

  

Rather than forcing a child to give up their rights, Karen encourages that the parent use the opportunity to

"draw the child's attention to any suffering or discomfort that may have been occasioned by his selfishness:  'Imagine the pleasure you could have brought to your little brother had you built that sand castle with him this afternoon, and had not sulked in your room bored because Sarah could not play after all.' 

This is making a mental picture for the child of what could have been.  Then be sure to allow the child the full benefit of the happiness an unselfish action brings. 

Of course, our best help is from the Word of God.  Asking our younger children to tell us the areas they struggle in and helping them to find verses to memorize; assigning our older children to write out lies the enemy may use and verses to combat them (our oldest just wrote out over 2 pages of common lies our Enemy uses and solid verses to respond with from her own study) and reading from God's Word- emphasizing the heroes He does. 

  

I sure love getting kisses from my girlies!  This is proof I was there- thanks for insisting Sarah.

 

 

"I have had long talks with my children about their power to render others either good and happy, or naughty and miserable, and the great responsibility this power brings us."- Karen Andreola

Don't you wish all parents had this talk with their children?  Me too.

 

 

Cousin time!

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed these thoughts on teaching virtue by Karen and Charlotte.  May we all be at work cultivating the greatest art- the art of doing good.

Blessings friends,

________________________________

Photos:  We've just returned from Homeschool Family Camp at Jenness Park. It is always a wonderful time to meet other like minded friends, enjoy fantastic food and be inspired in well doing.  On a funny note, you know what is usually not discussed at Homeschool Family Camp? Homeschooling. It rarely is.  Maybe it is because many of the moms have been at it a while and feel pretty set in what they are doing; maybe it's that we live and breathe education all the time and were ready for a field trip away or maybe it is because homeschoolers know that education is so much more than classroom lectures, flash cards and bored children. It is about family, the bringing up of souls while learning the skills of well doing along with the mental discipline mathematics and the like. And maybe we were in fact "homeschooling" together without needing to discuss it at all. :)

The Right Word

The ladies in our church organize various gatherings each year and invite women from all over to join us. Here I am pictured with my sister and two friends who drove some distance to be with us. Pictured from left: Gabe, my sister Elizabeth, myself and Suzy.

I am beyond thankful to fellowship with an amazing group of women each week. These ladies set the bar so high as they live their faith in love and service.

So often their examples inspire discussion in our home and provide a lovely model for my daughters. They are sincere women who do not seek to call attention to themselves, but simply serve where God has placed them.

Truthfully, I am honored just to be in their number. And so, I felt especially honored to be asked to join with the speakers at a recent Women's brunch and have the opportunity to share my heart. The topic I was asked to speak on: The Right Word.

Welcome

I wanted to share these thoughts on speaking the right word in our homes with you as well. What I am sharing here is just a humble recap of what the Lord has taught me about speaking the right words-- because I needed to be taught by Him.

We had seventy women and young ladies in attendance. As I shared it was with laughter and quite a few tears, which is often the case when women gather and share the deep life changing work of God in our lives. May God be praised forever!

With love and joy!

Good afternoon ladies. I feel so privileged to speak to you today. Most of you know me, but for those who may not, my name is Rebecca. By God's grace, I've been married to my husband, Tom for nineteen years and we have five girls from the ages of 2 to 13.

While I can truthfully say that today our home is one of blessing and peace, it is nothing short of a miracle that I am standing before you today speaking on the topic of using the right words in our homes. You see, speaking the right word has not always been a strong point for me.

I grew up in a home with a lot of fighting. My father, who decades later came to saving faith was, during my formative years an alcoholic. As his drinking increased, so did the fighting between he and my mom. He began to keep poor company, miss work and eventually have trouble with the police. It was a stressful time.

People process trial in different ways. I became very self reliant and thought I needed to fight to get my way in life. I was angry and stumbled my way through life with little guidance or interest.

At 17, I met the boy who would be my future husband. Tom and I began dating and on June 16th, 1991-- three years after he first asked for my phone number-- we were married. I know that it may sound odd, but I wasn't the kind of girl who dreamed of her wedding day or imagined living happily ever after. Sadly, I had no such ideal in mind. Truth be told, I was afraid to be vulnerable and instead I found myself looking for ways to be in control.

Proverbs 14:1 says: "A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." That is what I was doing.

I was blind to the reality that I was losing far more than I was gaining in my effort to get my way. While I thought I was being strong and in control, I really lacked self control. I was a slave to sin and could not even rule my own spirit. And I didn't know it then, but there were times when Tom wanted to leave me.

Well, God knew. And in the fullness of time, when it would bring Him the most glory and for His purpose, He intervened in our lives. He drew both of us to Himself. He made us new in Christ and began to wash our minds with His truth.

Today I want to share some of the things the Lord has shown me over the years about speaking the right word in my home. Proverbs 12:20: says "There is joy for those who promote peace." It is my prayer that our homes would shine with this kind of joy and peace.

Women sharing hearts and hands.

GOD GIVES US POWER OVER OUR WORDS

One of the first things the Lord showed me once we become new creatures in Christ, was that I can have power over my words.

Romans 6:22 says: But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap is holiness, and the result is eternal life.

And Jesus told the Jews in John 8:32: You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

Before coming to faith in Christ we are slaves to sin. Like soldiers in an army we obey the spirit of this world. The Word says when we were unbelievers we stumbled and didn't even know what caused it. But once we become new creatures in Christ we are like a soldier released from duty. We may have served the enemy commander for many years, marched in rank with his troops, and when when we see our old commander coming our way, our first reaction may be to salute him. But we are no longer in that army. We are servants to a new leader who is Christ Jesus. And we are freed to obey Him.

Romans 6:17-18: But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves of sin... you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Ephesians 4:22-24 says: Put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires... and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

Those verses remind me of when I first came to faith. What a year of change. Our friends and family weren't quite sure what to do with us. We couldn't help but tell others about the Lord and how He made a way of salvation for us. We were so excited and the changes God was making were undeniable.

At one point I remember my step father accused us of being "put ons." Those were his words. At first I was kind of hurt and unhappy by the idea of being called a "put on." I mean, what kind of thing is that to say? But then the Lord showed me those verses in Ephesians and encouraged me that I was doing just what he wanted me to. I was a put on. It was a choice to put on the new man and for the first time, I had the ability to chose it.

Thankfully, my step father has since come to faith in Christ and he too is a "put on." He has has changed so much and loves to share what God has done in his heart.

You know, GOD has given us liberty to change and to rule our own spirits. Ladies, there is hope in that. We are not stuck. We may need to create new habits, but because of the rebirth in our hearts, we have the power to do it.

The lovely Chamberlain ladies served us by providing a wonderful brunch.

GOD WANTS OUR WORDS TO BE PURPOSEFUL

GOD IS purposeful. I want to take a minute to look at some verses that talk about our words and see what God says about the purpose of our speech. If you are like me, you may begin to feel a little queasy as I read these, because we are keenly aware of our own weaknesses. James says: If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man. We are not perfect, but GOD has given us a standard. And as we depend on the Holy Spirit, we can grow in self control over our words.

1. Ephesians 4:29- Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. What are our words supposed to accomplish in this verse? They are for edification or encouragement; they are specific to the need of the moment and they are to give grace to those who hear them.

2. Proverbs 10:11- The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Our words are supposed to be like a fountain of life, they are not be violent or just barely concealing hatred. They are not to stab or slander, but they are to speak words of life.

3. 1 Thessalonians 4:18- Therefore comfort one another with these words. Paul is writing to remind believers to comfort one another with the truth of Scripture in difficult times- our words are to bring comfort to other believers. We do not need to seek out the wisdom of this world, but we are to share the truth of God's Word.

4. Hebrews 3:13- But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. We don't often think of our words being so powerful, but we are told that as we encourage our brothers and sisters day by day we are keeping their hearts from being hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Those words "sin's deceitfulness" are interesting, aren't they? They are very similar to the words in Ephesians we just read that talks about the old self being corrupted by "deceitful desires." Sin- and sinful desires- are deceitful. They lie and tell us they will satisfy. But the truth is, only obedience to Christ and esteeming others more highly than ourselves truly satisfies.

5. 1 Thessalonians 5:14: We urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Our words have a specific purpose, based on the circumstances God brings to our path. Using our words correctly is a skill. In fact, the Hebrew word "mouth" is "peh" which can be translated edge. Our mouths can be like knives-- bringing healing, like in the hand of a skillful surgeon or destruction like in the hand of a criminal. Of course we must remember that even though the skillful surgeon brings healing, he first brings pain. When we warn the idle or encourage the timid we may first cause a bit of pain to our friend, spouse, or child, but if done in love, those momentary painful words will bring healing and growth. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

6. 1 Peter 3:15- But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. Do this with gentleness and respect. With our words we give an answer for our faith in Christ, our hope. We are to share the gospel and are witness of the truth with gentleness and respect.

We are tempted to think these verses are God's helpful tips for our words, but if you look at their wording of these verses, you will see they are GOD's commands. The Lord says that if we love Him we will obey His commands. The purpose of our words is to edify, to speak life and truth, to remind others of God's Word in hard times, and to keep the hearts around us soft. These are right words.

Wendy did a wonderful job leading our time together.

THE BLESSING OF A GUARD

In the spirit of being purposeful, I have begun to do a special evening Bible study with our older girls. We are studying Loving God with all our Minds by Elizabeth George and we are loving it. In our first lesson we were looking up verses related to how God's Word helps us to shape our thoughts and in our study Elizabeth George mentioned that God's Word serves to "curb" our thoughts to keep them on the right path.

That instantly brought bumper bowling to mind. Have you done that with your kids? You take them to the bowling alley and, if they are little, you can get these inflatable bumpers that go in the gutters, right? That way, no matter how unskilled they are at throwing that ball, it can bounce back and forth but it will never end up in the gutter. They always hit at least one pin.

Well, God wants things to go well for us and so, He's given us Philippians 4:8-9 as our inflatable bumpers: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

So, why do I bring up meditation when we are talking about using the right words? Well, for a couple of reasons.

First, it dawned on me recently that if something is not supposed to be in someone else's brain as their meditation, maybe it shouldn't come out of my mouth. So often we think others are responsible for their own thought life and we see our words as being completely separate from that. But what we say goes directly in someone else's brain for their meditation. As we speak, we are helping to create the meditation of someone else. If I want to build up and do not want to stumble those around me, I need to be careful in what I say.

This is especially true as we speak into the lives of our husbands and closest friends. So often, as we speak behind closed doors, we think are free to speak whatever we want to, but if we desire the best for our friends and family, and want them to have a right meditation before the Lord, we should be on our guard to speak the types of things listed in Philippians 4:8-9. Let us not cause the ones we love the most to stumble.

If you haven't studied Philippians 4:8-9 in a while, I would encourage you to write them down point by point and really contemplate each one. For example, as we are told what things the believer is to meditate on, we read:

Whatever things are true. Take time to think about and write out what true means. Before we dwell on a thought or speak on a subject are we asking ourselves- are these words true? Are they reliable and Scriptural? Are they even real?

I found a study conducted on worry and anxiety recently in which researchers found that 40% of the things people worry about are things that have never happened, 30% are things that cannot be changed by worry, 12% are needless worries about health, 10% are petty, miscellaneous worries, and only 8% were real, legitimate worries. In other word, almost 100% of the things people worry about are not true, are not real and cannot be helped by worry.

This brings up the other reason I bring up our meditation. I would say that 99.99% of the time I blow it in my speech, it is because my meditation is poor. If I begin to meditate on how I deserve better, rather that how I can esteem others, I will blow it. Or if I begin to get myself all wound up about how someone else sees me rather than on how God sees me, I will blow it. When we disobey this command and meditate on things that are untrue it is far more likely that our peace will disappear and we will say something we will later regret.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says: For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to obedience of Christ.

As we focus on what is true or real, and cast down imaginations, we will enjoy the peace God intends and our mouths will reflect those thoughts.

Whatever things are noble. The next command is to meditate on whatever is noble. Greek term means "worthy of respect." Do we meditate on what is worthy of awe? Are we memorizing Scripture? That's a great way to meditate on what is noble. The word noble also brings thoughts of royalty to mind. As children of the King, do our words reflect nobility? Is what I am about to say demonstrating high moral character and ideals? Is it fitting a person of my rank? Just as an ambassador does not speak on his own accord and should not involve himself in petty disputes, we are to be careful to exhibit excellence in our speech.

You get the idea. Each part of Philippians 4:8 is packed with depth to explore.

We think many thoughts each day, so this takes practice! Paul continues in this passage to say, "These things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these things put into practice, and the God of peace will be with you."

As we use Philippians 4:8-9 to guard our thoughts, like those inflatable bumpers at the bowling alley, they may bounce around but they will never take us into the gutter.

I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except by Me.

WE HAVE AN ENEMY, BUT IT IS NOT ONE ANOTHER

Okay this next point has been a gem to me. The Lord began to show me from Scripture that I have an enemy, but it is usually not those around me. Do you find it is easy to become adversarial when you meet challenges in your home? It's almost a knee jerk reaction, right? The big things in life we see as trials, but when we encounter daily interactions, where our ideas clash with someone else's or when someone is only looking out for their own interests-- well, it is tempting to see who ever is opposing us as the enemy and enter into battle. Peter tells us we must be on the alert.

1 Peter 5:8 says: Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

We have a real enemy, but it is usually not those around us. God warned Cain that sin was crouching at the door waiting for him. If we forget or are unaware of who our real enemy is in times of conflict, or if we allow those who speak into our lives to forget it, then we are clearly giving our enemy an advantage.

I recently studied the Civil War with our girls and it is said at first, the Confederate Army did not have set uniforms. Each area just came up with their own color and some showed up to battle in the same color outfit as the enemy. Can you imagine the confusion that likely caused? Let's not be confused by those around us. They are likely not the enemy- even if they look like it at the moment.

Ephesians 6:12 says: Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

How would your response to those around you change if you could remember in times of conflict that our enemy is not flesh and blood?

1. How about when your child disobeys you or is arguing with a sibling? How could truth of knowing who your enemy is, cause you to respond in a God honoring way?

If you are like me, when you hear arguing you instantly think you know what is happening on the other side of the house. Who needs a trial, right? You know exactly what happened and who started it. But that is not Philippians 4:8-9. When I do that I am always headed for trouble. One of the points in those verses is to meditate on whatever is right. When I start heading towards a conflict, making assumptions, I am rarely ever right. And I always regret it.

But when I keep this in mind: that I have an enemy, but it is not those around me. I am far more likely to go with a spirit of helping wounded soldier rather than siding with the Accuser of the brethren. I can take those kiddos and wrap my arms around them and remind them that they have an enemy, but it is not their sister and it is not me. When I go to my children with that spirit, we are far more likely to go the Lord in prayer, truly confess our sin and ask for His help in our lives. Proverbs 15:1 says: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. This is certainly the case.

2. Maybe you have a friend or a family member that is insensitive to your feelings, or always assumes the worst. Or maybe someone has come to you with a complaint about that type of person. How could knowing that we have an enemy, but that it is not the person in question, cause you to respond in a God honoring way?

3. Let's up the anti. What if that person is your spouse. And what if he decides that your family is going to something one way and you think it should be done another way? Or what if you don't think he's doing what he should in some area. Are you tempted to argue or withdraw and see him as the enemy? Or do you respond gently? That does not mean that we cannot give our opinions, but when a final decision has been made, do we take our concerns to the Lord or do we fight?

I love the verses in 1 Peter 3. In verse 3 we are told not to make our beauty merely outward, but to cultivate the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God. We are told that we are just like the holy women of old who trust GOD and adorned themselves with submission to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham. We are daughters of Sarah if we do good and are not afraid with any terror.

In this context Peter's exhortation is to the Christian woman who is married to an unbeliever. That could be a reason to fear. And yet, we are told not to fear or be terrified. How many of us are like that study on fear and anxiety and spend countless hours worrying about things that have never happened?

Our husband is not the enemy. God is on the throne. He controls the heart of the king and he certainly controls the hearts of our husbands. What a great resting place for our hearts that tend to fear.

Paul exhorts us more than once in the book of Philippians (1:27 and 2:2) to choose to be of the same mind and to strive together for the gospel, rather than against one another.

And, as you know, in 1 Corinthians 13, the Lord tells us what love is. And we find the mind blowing idea that it is not about feelings at all:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... There are no feelings in those verses. Those are actions that as believers, we have the power to do.

Dear ladies, I know we live in a culture that says we need to "keep it real" in order to be hearable, but I am convinced that we serve a God who says we need to keep it edifying.

To be useful, we need to ask the Lord to help us to put a guard over our mouths and see those around us as being on our team. And I would encourage you to remember that you have an enemy, but it is not one another.

My dear friend Dana did a fantastic job speaking on Shining the Joy of Christ into our Homes.

THE POWER OF SPEAKING THE GOOD

I want to close today with a story that demonstrates the power of words. Sharon Jaynes has said, in her book The Power of a Woman's Words, that our words are the mirror in which people see themselves.

As you think about the words you speak, what kind of mirror would you say you are providing for your husband, your children, siblings and friends? Are you helping them to see their God given talents, they ways in which the Lord has grown them and the way God is caring for them each day?

Proverbs 3:7 says: "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act."

We have the power to help others see themselves the way God sees them, to build up and to edify. Do not withhold a good word from those around you.

He was in the first third-grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minnesota. All thirty-four of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.

Mark also talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. "Thank you for correcting me Sister!" I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it several times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made the novice-teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, 'If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!'

It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, 'Mark is talking again.' I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it.

I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened the drawer, and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room.

As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me Sister."

At the end of the year I was asked to teach Junior High math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the new math, he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he did in the third.

One Friday things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were growing frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish the assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. And Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me Sister. Have a good weekend."

That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling, "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much!"

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and with one another again.

That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents picked me up at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experiences in general. There was a slight lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Ecklunds called last night," he began.

"Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is."

Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like if you could attend." To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark.

I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me.

The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played "Taps." One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin.

I was the last one. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who had acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," he said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking, that the papers were the ones which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "as you can see, Mark treasured it."

Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. It is in my diary." Then Vicky, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet, and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicky said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists."

Ladies, our words will echo in the hearts of those around us. They will likely remain long after we have left this earth. The things we say to encourage the good will likely be just like Mark's paper-- opened many times in dark hours.

Our words have the power to propel others to love and good deeds. They bring the gospel to the lost and keep the hearts of those around us from becoming hardened.

As you create a keepsake on the hearts of your family and friends, I pray that God would bless your efforts. I know that it is an effort to control our tongues and to speak the right words, but in Christ we have the power to do it.

May we chose to say with Paul, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Thank you.