WHEN YOU WALK ALONE

Dear Rebecca,

I am writing to you because I need some insight from a seasoned homeschooling momma. While I can’t believe it, my sweet girl turns 5 this summer. While we are still praying about waiting a year to start kindergarten due to her later summer birthday, our hearts and minds are often on homeschooling and the path we sense God asking us to walk.


We are not wavering in our decision to homeschool but we are feeling lonely in the decision. Many of the friends that have been sweet companions up until now are choosing to send their children to public or private schools. Our daughter’s friends will be making new friends and heading in different directions. My friends will be forming new friendships with parents at their children’s schools. While we sure hope to maintain those friendships, we know things inevitably will change.

A major source of uneasiness for us is the little interaction our daughter has with other kids. She is involved in our church’s kids’ program once a week, plays often with above-mentioned friends and with neighborhood kids, and has been involved in one activity per semester. However, we sense an urgency in having her rub elbows with other kids who are homeschooled so she doesn’t sense she is missing out on what her other friends are experiencing. There is not a strong homeschooling presence at our church and the families that do homeschool do not have a community that gets together on a regular basis. There is a homeschooling coop in our area but your oldest child must be in first grade in order to attend.



All this to say, this momma is feeling some loneliness. Many of my close friends are choosing different educational routes which has left a void in my life. I am writing to you to ask for insight. Insight as to how to balance being faithful to the call God has on our life, which we will not abandon, but also seeking ways to build support and community into our new homeschooling adventure.

Again, thank you for taking the time to read this and respond; I am grateful!!!



Teri

Hi Teri!




Great to hear from you! I wish you lived close by and we could just have the day together. I know that beginning this homeschooling journey can be daunting. There are so many considerations and you are wise to count the cost before you begin.

I praise God that you are being Directed toward this path and are seeking Him. When we have prayed and searched the Word, knowing that God is leading- we are able to stay the course when difficulties arise.

I understand feeling lonely in choosing a different path than your friends. It can be isolating when we seek to follow Christ rather than a pattern laid out by men. You have likely already experienced this in various ways. You may have been the odd ball when you had a conviction about a certain movie that your friends did not. You may have been the strict one who was training your daughter when others around you were not. And now, as you venture into the new territory of homeschooling, you realize that you are choosing that untraveled path- again.

A couple of consolations my dear- you will soon be too busy to be lonely. :) And in truth, our loneliness is often just for a small window of time as we pray for the Lord to bring friends who are like minded. Even in Scripture we are bolstered by the testimony of ladies, like Sarah (1 Peter 3:6), who have ventured into the unknown before us.

I have a couple of thoughts that I would like you to prayerfully consider my friend:

  

1. CREATE A VISION STATEMENT

I would encourage you to ask yourself why you want to homeschool. Think through this area and write down your answers. 

• Is it based on God's Word? If so, what verses? 
• What long term goals do you have for your child? 
• What character traits would you like to see in your 20 year old (who will appear in a blink of an eye)? 
• Do you want your daughter to be grounded in a knowledge of Christ and His hand through history?
• Do you want her to have passages of Scripture tucked away in memory?
• What vision do you want her to have? Do you want to see your daughter mature and poised to serve Christ as a Titus 2 woman? Someone who is willing to stand alone if the cause is godly? (Maybe even your example of being willing to stand alone today may be a help to her someday)
• What type of knowledge do you want her to have? 
• Who do you want her heroes to be? 
• Does she have a godly heritage you want her to know? 
• Do you want her to love the attributes of God that you do? 

I know- this list can go on and on. But my point in this exercise is this: 


When we have a vision for what we are desiring to accomplish we can be excited for the future and not fearful. 

When it is established on the unchanging Word of God we will not be ashamed. 

"Let no one who waits on You be ashamed." -Psalm 25:3
"Where there is no vision, the people perish." -Proverbs 29:18

 2. MAKE NEW FRIENDS BUT KEEP THE OLD

I remember learning a song as a young girl that went like this: 

Make new friends, but keep the old. 

One is silver, but the other's gold. 

Yes. You will make new friends- just watch the Lord do it.  But you do want to keep your other friends as well. You can do this if you are purposeful. Ask your husband and pray about the idea of having a Bible study in your home and invite your girlfriends one evening a week- or once a month- to keep that connection.  Or plan to meet up for dinner somewhere.  Then you can keep up with the ladies even as they take a different path.

3. THINK QUALITY OVER QUANTITY


Sometimes we think our children need a swarm of friends. But often if the Lord leads us to just one or two families that have similar convictions and if we fill our minds with Scripture and good books in which the families are like ours- we have more than enough strength for the journey.

Some of the most amazing families we know have had seasons of not only loneliness, but aloneness.


The truth is, your daughter will need just what you tell her she needs. If you tell her she needs lots of friends, she will believe you. If you tell her that her family is where her very best lifetime friends are found, she will believe that. 



While I am thankful for the solid friendships we have gained over the years, I do not believe it takes a village to raise a child. What it really takes is you- all of you. We need to available heart to heart every day and not distracted with other things.

You are right not to take something away from her without replacing it with something else. You will need to replace it in her mind with a new vision based on Scripture and you will need to pray for like minded friends.

While you may decide to invest your time in some outside activities here and there, do not feel those times are more valuable than simply enjoying your daughter one on one or as a family.

We have some friends who participate in their local Awana, but they know it is for the purpose of ministry. And they know there are certain yearly events they cannot attend because of the immodesty displayed before their young boy's eyes. But they go with the purpose of ministering to others as a family. They do not go with the mindset of fitting in.

Sadly, the truth is that when you gather a bunch of children together, you will not find wisdom flourishing. We are told instead that: 


"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child..." - Proverbs 22:15

4. BUILD FAMILY IDENTITY


What defines your family? Do you work hard? Like to serve others? What has God given you and your husband a passion for? Take this opportunity to build a family identity into your daughters way of thinking. 


As you make differing choices- show her why in the Word of God. 


You will always be making choices.  And as Robert Frost once pointed out, for every traveled path there is left another path that remains untraveled.  That is not a bad thing.  Use these opportunities to build into your family.


"We aren't doing that because God's Word says _________________"


"We work hard because we're (your family name here)"


We are not seeking to look down at others, but to embrace our own family distinctiveness which should be based on daddy's direction and to build security within our own homes. 

Finally dear sister, I would encourage you to consider that just because you are alone, it does not mean that you aren't doing the right thing. 



Every hero of the faith I can think of was basically alone in their convictions (and sometimes even without peers growing up). John the Baptist; Samuel; Martin Luther; Corrie Ten Boom...

The Men and women who are not afraid of being different and who don't set a high priority on simply fitting in are often the ones we admire the most.

I would also like to encourage you to get the following resources to build into your thinking in this area:

The award-winning documentary, IndoctriNation.  WARNING:  Content is not suitable for all ages.  Parental preview strongly recommended.

Audio messages from S.M. Davis. Specifically, How to Pass on Convictions to Your Children, How to Develop Character in Your Children and How to Keep Your Children from Becoming Bitter.

 

And if you are ready to get excited about schooling, I'd recommend you visit:

Confessions of a Homeschooler

1+1+1=1

Simply Charlotte Mason

Blessings to you!

Question:  On-line friends, what do you do when you are dealing with lonliness? 

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