PARENTING IN THE TEEN ZONE

Faith was accepted to a local Christian college.  I'll have to share more about that soon.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” 

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

If you would have told me that life could get busier with Faithie graduating High School and starting college, I wouldn't have believed it.  I was pretty sure that I was as busy as I was going to get.  But the truth is, as I have ventured into a new season with three teen girls at home, I am busier!

God, in His wisdom, has created seasons for us.  Seasons in nature, seasons in ministry work and seasons within the family.  

When I had a houseful of little ones, I have to admit that I was a little fearful of the next season.  I was enjoying this time of cuddling up for read alouds, baking cookies and facing hurts that could simply be kissed away.  I wanted to ignore the next season...  maybe it wouldn't happen (fingers crossed). 

The teenage years seemed to loom ahead, like the Bermuda Triangle, where all sorts of families go in but not all families come out.  The "Teen Zone."  Creepy-- and no thanks! 

But of course, this was spring thinking.  I was in that first season of parenting and let's be honest, it is just hard to see life as being better than spring when we have only experienced spring.  New babies and fresh tasks are exciting things that fill us with hope and passion.  Seeing little inklings of life pushing up through the soil can be so thrilling, but God intends us to enjoy the pleasure of fruit that is still to come!  And you don't pick fruit in the spring. 

CONTROL IS NOT THE GOAL

In hindsight, I wonder now if part of the fear I felt about moving into the "Teen Zone" was the idea of not having control.  I know that wasn't the entire picture, but when children are little we mommies have a lot of control.  We train our little ones to come when we call, to wear the clothes we want them to wear and to do what we want them to do.  That is good.  That is proper in the spring.  Its also easy- once the training is done anyway.  But having parental control is not the final goal. 

I am sure you watch people like I do.  You've met parents who want to stay in that place of control forever.  Their child is twenty something and they are still telling them (arguing with them over) what movies to watch, what clothes to wear and when to go to bed.  And by doing so, they fail to launch themselves and their charges into the next season.  The sad truth is, that rarely ends well.

Then there are other parents who may also want to stay in the season of spring, and seem to launch or check out way too early, focusing instead on other "spring" projects that bring them the excitement parenting used to.  They go completely hands off with their teens as they focus their attention elsewhere.  That also usually spells trouble.

The goal is not that we will have absolute control over our charges, or that we will have no input in their discipleship, but that we keep pointing them to Christ.  We continue to walk with them, desiring that our children be constrained by the Holy Spirit, not by us. 

The Jews who were without the Spirit required law to constrain them.  And even that law was not enough.  But the Believer in Christ has the Spirit, Who is called the Restrainer to guide and direct him.   

Parental control is not the goal, Holy Spirit control is.

ESTABLISHING CHRIST AS THE AUTHORITY

I find that inasmuch as we made the aim in our home to establish Christ and His Word as the ultimate authority, we have been thankful.

We have had to make a few tweaks here and there over the years, steering away from "we say so" to, "Well, what does the Word say?"

We have had to be willing to lay down pet doctrines that could not be supported by Scripture.  And in laying them down, God has grown us in grace as well.

We have chosen to make concessions over little things-  to shrug off a pair of jeans with a cosmetic hole or an old t-shirt; to say ok to a movie that may not be our favorite style (thank you, Dove Reviews and VidAngel!) and to learn to make recommendations to our older children. 

This doesn't mean that the teens just have free reign so to speak, but we are transitioning into the summer season of life, where the older ones are reading a movie review and telling us that they don't want to watch something that doesn't champion biblical principles, and so on.  It's becoming an internal constraint and not a fight against parental law. 

We are doing our best, God helping us, to treat our young adults with respect.  And they have continued to treat us in kind, considering our desires and feelings over their own. 

We have simply not found that we need to rant over movies, clothing choices and bedtimes.  But we have also found that we need not go against our consciences. 

It is a sweet season.

Little Lyddie is 10.

Michaela is 16.

Sarah turns 14 next month and the countdown is on over here!

 

Hailey is 7-- can you believe it?

Faith is 18.

In the season of spring, our children were nourished by the pure milk of the Word, and now they have matured, they are ready for meat.  We are so thankful to get to be the ones to hash things out with them.  That was always the goal.

Even Faith comes home from college ready to talk through the issues of the day and we ask one another, "Well, what does the Word say?" pretty much every night.   

Now I don't want to give the impression things are perfect.  They are not because we are not.  But the "Teen Zone" hasn't been nearly as scary as we once thought.  In fact, I think we are going to live to tell about it!  



Blessings friends,



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