PARENTING IN THE TEEN ZONE

Faith was accepted to a local Christian college.  I'll have to share more about that soon.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” 

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

If you would have told me that life could get busier with Faithie graduating High School and starting college, I wouldn't have believed it.  I was pretty sure that I was as busy as I was going to get.  But the truth is, as I have ventured into a new season with three teen girls at home, I am busier!

God, in His wisdom, has created seasons for us.  Seasons in nature, seasons in ministry work and seasons within the family.  

When I had a houseful of little ones, I have to admit that I was a little fearful of the next season.  I was enjoying this time of cuddling up for read alouds, baking cookies and facing hurts that could simply be kissed away.  I wanted to ignore the next season...  maybe it wouldn't happen (fingers crossed). 

The teenage years seemed to loom ahead, like the Bermuda Triangle, where all sorts of families go in but not all families come out.  The "Teen Zone."  Creepy-- and no thanks! 

But of course, this was spring thinking.  I was in that first season of parenting and let's be honest, it is just hard to see life as being better than spring when we have only experienced spring.  New babies and fresh tasks are exciting things that fill us with hope and passion.  Seeing little inklings of life pushing up through the soil can be so thrilling, but God intends us to enjoy the pleasure of fruit that is still to come!  And you don't pick fruit in the spring. 

CONTROL IS NOT THE GOAL

In hindsight, I wonder now if part of the fear I felt about moving into the "Teen Zone" was the idea of not having control.  I know that wasn't the entire picture, but when children are little we mommies have a lot of control.  We train our little ones to come when we call, to wear the clothes we want them to wear and to do what we want them to do.  That is good.  That is proper in the spring.  Its also easy- once the training is done anyway.  But having parental control is not the final goal. 

I am sure you watch people like I do.  You've met parents who want to stay in that place of control forever.  Their child is twenty something and they are still telling them (arguing with them over) what movies to watch, what clothes to wear and when to go to bed.  And by doing so, they fail to launch themselves and their charges into the next season.  The sad truth is, that rarely ends well.

Then there are other parents who may also want to stay in the season of spring, and seem to launch or check out way too early, focusing instead on other "spring" projects that bring them the excitement parenting used to.  They go completely hands off with their teens as they focus their attention elsewhere.  That also usually spells trouble.

The goal is not that we will have absolute control over our charges, or that we will have no input in their discipleship, but that we keep pointing them to Christ.  We continue to walk with them, desiring that our children be constrained by the Holy Spirit, not by us. 

The Jews who were without the Spirit required law to constrain them.  And even that law was not enough.  But the Believer in Christ has the Spirit, Who is called the Restrainer to guide and direct him.   

Parental control is not the goal, Holy Spirit control is.

ESTABLISHING CHRIST AS THE AUTHORITY

I find that inasmuch as we made the aim in our home to establish Christ and His Word as the ultimate authority, we have been thankful.

We have had to make a few tweaks here and there over the years, steering away from "we say so" to, "Well, what does the Word say?"

We have had to be willing to lay down pet doctrines that could not be supported by Scripture.  And in laying them down, God has grown us in grace as well.

We have chosen to make concessions over little things-  to shrug off a pair of jeans with a cosmetic hole or an old t-shirt; to say ok to a movie that may not be our favorite style (thank you, Dove Reviews and VidAngel!) and to learn to make recommendations to our older children. 

This doesn't mean that the teens just have free reign so to speak, but we are transitioning into the summer season of life, where the older ones are reading a movie review and telling us that they don't want to watch something that doesn't champion biblical principles, and so on.  It's becoming an internal constraint and not a fight against parental law. 

We are doing our best, God helping us, to treat our young adults with respect.  And they have continued to treat us in kind, considering our desires and feelings over their own. 

We have simply not found that we need to rant over movies, clothing choices and bedtimes.  But we have also found that we need not go against our consciences. 

It is a sweet season.

Little Lyddie is 10.

Michaela is 16.

Sarah turns 14 next month and the countdown is on over here!

 

Hailey is 7-- can you believe it?

Faith is 18.

In the season of spring, our children were nourished by the pure milk of the Word, and now they have matured, they are ready for meat.  We are so thankful to get to be the ones to hash things out with them.  That was always the goal.

Even Faith comes home from college ready to talk through the issues of the day and we ask one another, "Well, what does the Word say?" pretty much every night.   

Now I don't want to give the impression things are perfect.  They are not because we are not.  But the "Teen Zone" hasn't been nearly as scary as we once thought.  In fact, I think we are going to live to tell about it!  



Blessings friends,



______________________________

Have you tried VidAngel yet?  We love it.  :)

TEACHING CHILDREN TO EMBRACE PLAN B

As adults, we have been talking about making plans for the new year.  Maybe you have written down goals, or maybe you have just set them in your mind.

Whichever the case, we can all appreciate the benefit in setting godly goals and plans.

But can setting our hearts on things ever be unhealthy?  Especially for our children?

Lydia, age 7.

I remember as a young girl of about five or six, planning my birthday party with my mother.  Of course, type A personalities begin young, and before long I had planned every tiny detail.  I could envision just how pin-the-tail on the donkey would go; I could see sweet conversations over cake.  Presents.  And just how I would graciously hand out the party favor bags to my excited guests.  Yes, I replayed each scenario over and over in my mind until I had the party figured out just so.  It would be the perfect day.

On the day of my party, everything was lovely.  Weather is always a consideration when throwing a birthday party in early March, but the sun shone and we were able to enjoy the out of doors.  We took turns playing pin-the-tail on the donkey; we had a lovely cake and visiting time.  And all of the presents were a real treat.  In fact, everything was going just according to plan, I thought with a satisfied air, as I strode into the house.

It was time to begin handing out party bags and I was going in to get them.  I really looked forward to seeing the excited faces of my friends as I gave them their surprises.  But as I entered our home through the sliding glass door I soon discovered that the party bags had already been handed out-- without me!  It hit me like a crushing blow.

I remember approaching my busy mother in the kitchen.  I can still see her today working hard at the counter wrapping up some last minute details.  I asked in evident horror- just what had happened with the party bags.  A tragedy had taken place- right under our noses!

She looked at me a little surprised and said that she had handed them out.  It was almost time for our guests to leave and she didn't want to forget their gifts.

She assumed that answer would be alright with me.  Well, she assumed wrong!

You see, the goal in my mind wasn't just that our guests would get a special gift bag.  The goal was that our guests would get a special gift bag in just the special way that I had planned.

In that moment I completely lost focus.  I was blinded by disappointment.  In my mind- all was utterly ruined.  And as I focused on all that was wrong, I completely lost sight of all that was right.


I had a dear mother who had gone to great effort and expense.  I had sweet friends whose families had given a portion of their weekend to come and celebrate me.  And I forgot that the goal was to bless our guests, not to get fixated on a specific plan.  I even forgot to be thankful for the good weather and the sweet memories we had made earlier in the day.


I flew to my room and cried and cried (I know!).  I am embarrassed to say that I did not even thank my guests or wave good-bye to them as they left.  I was far too busy feeling sorry for myself and crying over how things should have been.

Hailey, age 3.

I suppose this story from my childhood seems a bit ridiculous now- and it is.  And we all sympathize with my dear Mother, right?  But the truth is, it is really easy to become fixated on our plans (even good and seeimgly godly ones) and lose sight of all else.  Our children can easily fall into the same trap if they learn to set their hearts on things in an unhealthy way. 

How do we help our children to embrace Plan B?  To begin to say,  "Thy will be done." rather than MY will be done? 



IN OUR HOME



As we work through this area in our home- and work we must- these are some of the things we focus on:



1.  Teach children about God's Sovereignty.  We seek to encourage our children with Scripture that explains that only He knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10); that He has a plan to work things together for our good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and, like in the Biblical example of Joseph, His plans are always better than ours.  Through one-on-one discussions, we seek to use these truths to pry their little fingers off plans that are either too far away or not what we desire for them.  For example, in situations where they want something that is contrary to Daddy's will, teach them to pray, "Please change either my heart or Daddy's heart" and then counsel them to let it go and trust God's plan.  God is in control of the kings heart (Proverbs 21:1) - and Daddy's too.     

2.  Keep Children in the Word.  Jesus said, "He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing... if you abide in Me and My Words abide in you, you shall ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit." -John 15:5-8   Our children need the Word.  We need to begin to steer them toward seeking God's will and not their own.  Yes, their plans may seem good- even godly- but they need to understand fruit is what brings the Father glory, not their plans.  And that fruit comes from abiding in Christ and His Words abiding in them.  As parents, we seek to find areas of struggle for our children and help them to memorize verses that apply to those areas.  Verses like Phillipians 4:6-  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

3.  Share real-life examples with them.  We are told that the Old Testament was written for our example (1 Corinthians 10) and that we might both learn and have hope (Romans 15:4).  By reading the life stories of others, we can gain wisdom and determine the path we desire to take- or not take- to avoid foolish mistakes.  In the same way, other real life expereiences- ours or the experience of others- can demonstrate either ways in which the Lord brought a much better result than what had been planned or ways in which setting our hearts on things instead of God's will brought misery.  If we share real-life negative examples we seek to do this without names and with humility that our children do not begin to cultivate a "better than" attitude.

4.  Teach them a proper way of looking at things.  We seek to cultivate contentment by talking over ways to be content- truly we can choose to be content in all things:  Our unique story, the family God has assembled (siblings and all); our homes, our income and so on.  And- we seek to call things what they are.  Little children may cry simply because they cannot get their way.  In our home, we call that spoiled.  And acting spoiled is against our rules.  We are sensitive to the issues and will always listen to a tale of woe, but the tears must dry up and the little one must see if they are acting spoiled.

5.  Pray.  Oh- our children need prayer.  This is not a flesh and blood battle (Ephesians 6:12) and the prayer of a righteous man, avails much (James 5:16).  We must pray that God that God will be our help.  Sin can be so desceptive and only the Lord can take blinders off the soul.


“Setting our hearts on things above...”
~ Colossians 3:1-11



Question:  How do you help children to embrace Plan B in your home?



Blessings,

TEACHING THE FINE ART {of doing good}

"The finest of all the fine arts is the art of doing good

and yet it is the least cultivated."

-T. DeWitt Talmage

Our daughters Sarah (9) and Michaela (12) enjoying the chance to kayak

Do you find that people tend to be more focused on grades and SAT scores than cultivating virtue in the youth of today?  Where do we go for the models of a high moral standard and well doing? 

 
 

 

 

I love what  Karen Andreola's shares in A Charlotte Mason Companion about the idea of training children toward virtue. 

 

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN VIRTUE AND VICE

 

 

"...Character is two sided and, according to his training, his character qualities are either nurtured into virtues or allowed to degenerate into vices. 

Pity is a virtue if it cares for another. Idle pity just says, "Too bad." Pity can turn into self pity, which is not a virtue. Truth-telling is a virtue, but if it is blunt and tactless- spoken without love- it is not a virtue. The only way to make the virtue grow is to train the child's conscience and instill in him a love for others. 

To breed vices, the most powerful agent is love of self, and this almost always begins in the cradle. The toddler who cries, screams, whines or whimpers for his own way (and continually gets it) can become the youth or adult who terrorizes his family with his fits of rage. " p. 58

Sorry Hailey, your placement in this post was purely accidental *cough.*

 

Our 3 year old daughter, Hailey, really wanted to do the climbing wall like the big kids

PREVENTING FAMILY BICKERING

Karen goes on to explain that virtues must be inspired and cultivated.  A child cannot be punished into virtue.  Children need Biblical correction and they need to be inspired by heroes who embody the virtues of Scripture.  Well, I'll let Karen do the talking:

"... about family bickering.  The two main causes of them are selfishness and harsh judgement of others.  No punishment is of the smallest use to combat these.
In fact, punishment may awaken resentment and arouse greater spite against the person on whose account it occurred.  It will never diminish the selfishness.  Penalties will suffice for the moment, but another kind of correction is needed. 

Virtues, like flowers, grow in the sunshine.  You can cultivate them or draw them out with love and reason, but you can neither force nor whip them into existence.  Try to do so and the virtue you want will come forth in the guise of it's corresponding vice.  Instead of truth-speaking courage, you will get lying cowardice; instead of obedience, obstinacy."

Our 9 year old daughter, Sarah, on the archery range

  

She goes on to share that the best way to prevent bickering is to


train the child to find its happiness in giving others pleasure and to show him always how good and kind others are to him.


To let the names of mother, father, sister and brother stand for love and loving kindness to him."
If you have not always trained your children this way (and I am sure we would all admit we have not done this perfectly) she encourages the following:


"Never be cross, and never add harsh words of reproof when a child is sore under what it feels to be an injustice.

This is often difficult (YEP!  My own comment added)  to do because it is our natural response to control his temper with a stronger one of our own.  Yet I recommend you work against any tendency to overpower the child in this instance. 
 

Gently draw the belligerent mind to the fact that he is feeling very unhappy, {and} that this is merely the natural result of saying unkind things..." 

 It was nice to meet you in person Amanda!  Thanks for saying hi.  :)

GOOD BOOKS HAVE IMMENSE VALUE IN BUILDING VIRTUE


She goes on to encourage a bedtime story hour to cultivate the child's virtues and discourage bickering. 

"When the boys and girls sit round the fire with mother or father, a series of stories might be told, evening after evening, bearing on instances of love and self-denial.  Then you will have the opportunity to ask, "Wouldn't you like the chance to do such a caring thing for another person?"  p. 59

This isn't the idea of avoiding certain media for "legalistic" reasons (and I will be honest- I very much dislike the use of the word legalism at all because in our day it often amounts to little more than one man's Biblical conviction pricking another man's conscience) but we are encouraged instead to look for opportunities to build good resources into our children's hearts and minds for the purpose of cultivating virtue and teaching children to do good to others.  And yes, to skip those that don't.  

  

Our oldest daughter, Faith (14), was part of the drama team that portrayed real Bible couriers bringing Bibles into restricted countries.  These pics are from their practice.

  

She does not recommend stores such as Pinocchio because although the character has good intentions, he has a weak will.  Instead she recommends good and virtuous models such as Heidi, Hans Brinker, The Swiss Family Robinson and the like.  Stories that entertain but also model kindness, courage, generosity, loyalty, honor and working together as a family.

Faith caught with Bibles in Cuba.

  

Rather than forcing a child to give up their rights, Karen encourages that the parent use the opportunity to

"draw the child's attention to any suffering or discomfort that may have been occasioned by his selfishness:  'Imagine the pleasure you could have brought to your little brother had you built that sand castle with him this afternoon, and had not sulked in your room bored because Sarah could not play after all.' 

This is making a mental picture for the child of what could have been.  Then be sure to allow the child the full benefit of the happiness an unselfish action brings. 

Of course, our best help is from the Word of God.  Asking our younger children to tell us the areas they struggle in and helping them to find verses to memorize; assigning our older children to write out lies the enemy may use and verses to combat them (our oldest just wrote out over 2 pages of common lies our Enemy uses and solid verses to respond with from her own study) and reading from God's Word- emphasizing the heroes He does. 

  

I sure love getting kisses from my girlies!  This is proof I was there- thanks for insisting Sarah.

 

 

"I have had long talks with my children about their power to render others either good and happy, or naughty and miserable, and the great responsibility this power brings us."- Karen Andreola

Don't you wish all parents had this talk with their children?  Me too.

 

 

Cousin time!

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed these thoughts on teaching virtue by Karen and Charlotte.  May we all be at work cultivating the greatest art- the art of doing good.

Blessings friends,

________________________________

Photos:  We've just returned from Homeschool Family Camp at Jenness Park. It is always a wonderful time to meet other like minded friends, enjoy fantastic food and be inspired in well doing.  On a funny note, you know what is usually not discussed at Homeschool Family Camp? Homeschooling. It rarely is.  Maybe it is because many of the moms have been at it a while and feel pretty set in what they are doing; maybe it's that we live and breathe education all the time and were ready for a field trip away or maybe it is because homeschoolers know that education is so much more than classroom lectures, flash cards and bored children. It is about family, the bringing up of souls while learning the skills of well doing along with the mental discipline mathematics and the like. And maybe we were in fact "homeschooling" together without needing to discuss it at all. :)

FALL HAS ARRIVED {quietly}

Have I been a little quiet? 


It seems in the midst of doctor appointments for Lydia*, home schooling and regular life, the seasons have changed.  Fall has arrived on quiet feet. 

And, truly I welcome it's effects.  It invites us to don a cute sweater; say yes to making an indoor fort out of sheets; to cuddle up with a good book and even look forward to the prospects of eating homemade pancakes by the fire (the girls tell me that some of their best memories have been on cold days with homemade pancakes in front of the fire and books read aloud.  It's always the simple things, isn't it?)

Faith smiling at her daddy.

For our family, the seasons have changed in another way as well.  After five years of needing to work a night shift, Tom has been able to switch to a day schedule. 

That means I now wake up at 4 am to make his breakfast, coffee and pack his lunch- which I love.  Would you believe it?  It turns out I am really a morning person.  It also means that he is not rushed to squeeze in Bible before he needs to leave for work; he is home in the evenings to play Loving Family with the girls- which they love; and this Friday when we have a party to attend- I have a date and won't be going solo! 

Yes, sometimes change is good.


 

The BBQ King strikes again.

As our minds begin to think about celebrating the harvest and a big meal of Thanksgiving we think a lot about food.  

I am reminded that in Scripture we are told if we love our Lord, we will feed His sheep (John 21:15-17). 

Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him three times, and in response to Peter's affirmative and eventually troubled reply- the Lord commanded that if Peter loved Him, he was to feed His sheep.


How are we doing feeding the sheep in our homes?

 

A cheery little scarecrow welcomes us home.

Years ago when my step-mother was diagnosed with breast cancer I began to read and study about the disease. 

Do you know that most people who die with cancer don't die from cancer itself?  They die from malnutrition. 

I remember sitting with her at the convalescent hospital near the end when a nurse delivered a tray of food.  "Pat-pat"  I encouraged her "please try to eat a little."  She was uninterested. 

The food was right there. 

I was willing to help. 

But she would not eat. 

Sadly, she did not live much longer.

Is it really pumpkin season again?

Without spiritual nouishment our children have little hope of survival in this world.  They will waste away while Bibles in our own language gather dust on the shelves. 

 The food is there- we must feed Christ's sheep. 

In our children's case we actually have control over what they eat both physically and spiritually.  Scripture memory, meditating on God's Word day and night (Joshua 1:8) and our excitement for the Word and it's application to every area of our lives cannot be underestimated. 

Yes, salvation is of the Lord and yet He gives us verse after verse that indicate that we must know His Word.  Scripture is profitable for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17); from His mouth come wisdom, knowledge and unserstanding (Proverbs 2:6-9); and by hiding His Word in our hearts we are kept from sinning against Him (Psalm 119:105).  It is a combination of meditation, application and work by the Holy Spirit.

Rich warm colors replace casual cool ones.

I appreciated this quote by John MacArthur:

"Godly character is not the result

of good intentions, wishful thinking,

some mystical 'zap,' or even sheer

Bible knowledge. 

It's developed through the self disciplined

application of God's Word at a very basic

level, enabled and powered by God's Spirit."

Amen.

May we feed His Sheep, teach them to apply God's Word to every area of life, pray for them diligently and trust God's Spirit for the rest.


 

Time with my sisters- left to right:  Dale, Me, Elizabeth.

 

 

 

 

Fall blessings to you!

____________________________________________________________________________

*For those of you praying for Lydia- thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! She had significantly fewer seizures this month (4 vs. 11 last month).

PARENTING- THE EASY WAY!

THAT AIN'T EASY



I typed out the above quote, printed it out and have it posted by my computer.

I love this reminder. I need this reminder. For some reason it is just too easy to lose perspective and spend time aiming toward the wrong goals.

Maybe it's planning for the new school year but somehow around this time each year I seem to find myself really thinking about my goals as a parent. And I have to ask myself: What are you aiming for? Happiness or holiness?

Not that we can't be happy. No way! We are called to be joyful! But what is our goal and where is true happiness found?



As we aim into the future, how do you see your spiritual condition- and your childrens- in 20 years with the course you are taking today? These are the thoughts that are always challenging me.


And I'll tell ya, knowing what is right isn't so hard. Following through- well that ain't easy!


I feel your pain. It's a struggle to do what we know to be right at times. To choose to deal head on with sin; to resist the urge to "credit card parent" and to seek to live a holy life. But maybe it's a lack of faith (speaking personally) or not really thinking through the fact that God wants my best and knows true happiness is found in holiness.









THAT WAS EASY

You've seen the Staples button- you can hear "that was easy" in your head. Isn't that marketing campaign brilliant- because in the hustle and bustle of life we are all in the search of easy, right?
What concerns me is that there are some things in parenting that seem easy for the moment... but are they really? Like:



DEALING WITH SIN HEAD ON
It sounds easy- to buy into the philosophy that you have to choose your battles with your children. Why is it that...

I bet we won't regret- dealing with each issue? Taking the time and exerting the effort to help our children to see what is motivating their own hearts in negative situations; taking the time to pray and encourgage them that we are on their team and seeking to bring them to true repentance? I am a young-ish mom and have only one teenager, but I guess I believe that if we choose to take the time to show our children their sin, then maybe they will see their need for Christ.

God tells us that: "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10







 

CHOOSING NOT TO "CREDIT CARD" PARENT



I've shared in the past that I believe there is a danger in what I call "credit card parenting." Being too busy or simply putting off correcting our children (and boy is this a hard one for me at times!) racks up a debt we hope we will never have to pay.

It sounds easy- to look the other way when we see selfishness, bad attitudes, or have a child that seems to want to butt heads. So why is it that...

I bet we won't regret- taking the time to cool off. Praying with our spouse for the heart of our child. Going to our child with a spirit of grace, seeing ourselves on a rescue mission for their very souls and taking the time to woo and win them to God's best? How ever many times it takes... each week. : )

 


LIVING A HOLY LIFE


I know...

It sounds easy- to be just a little too tired to open God's Word or to choose to watch videos with our brains turned off. And please trust me when I say that when I point one finger out, I have four fingers pointing back at me!
My husband works nights. It is my job to be "the heavy;" to get everyone ready for bed and Bible. You don't know how lazy I would like to be. And sometimes am! But God... right? I really believe (and tell myself) that:

I bet we won't regret- reading God's Word with our children. His Word- even without commentary- is POWERFUL. So even if I could only read a bit in each day, I would trust that would have a significant impact on their souls. But I bet we also won't regret talking through the many issues and situations in our lives in light of God's Word; allowing them to see how His Word moves and motivates our lives and how it is the final authority for us.


It may seem off topic, but I hope you will humor me... I was thinking the other day about:



THE MAKING OF ARROWS



We always hear the verse:

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth."

~Psalm 127:4

And I think in our modern age, we might not really think about a warrior shaping and preparing an arrow for battle because if I needed an arrow, I'd drive to WalMart and buy one- done! I like instant (is there something faster than a microwave yet?!).

But as much as I wish it was, child training is just not instant.

Like the training of our children,
the process of building an arrow is

deliberate; time consuming and

must be done well before the time of battle.

A warrior preparing an arrow would scrape all the rough bark from each potential rod; knowing each one must be as straight as possible to be relied upon in battle.

Every arrow head would also need to be refined by rubbing and scraping it until it was transformed into a sharp point.

And then feathers would need to be added in just a way as to ensure straight flight.

The warrior must have a vision for the final product as he is preparing each one. And no... it wouldn't be instant.

I feel like there is something there to encourage my mind as I continue the arduous process of arrow building. And that maybe- parenting the easy way really might be to take the extra effort today.

May you be blessed my friends.

With love and effort in the Lord,

HOW FAR DO WE GO {in sheltering our children?}

I received a question recently from a thoughtful family who were wondering about the idea of "sheltering."

What impressed me about the question was, although the husband and wife were not sure where to fall on the issue- their search is for a Biblical response to the question. I respect that type of inquiry a great deal.

HOW FAR DO WE GO?

"Clearly there is an appropriate kind of sheltering.

When those who are opposed to homeschooling

accuse me of sheltering my children, my reply

is always, 'What are you going to accuse

me of next, feeding and clothing them?"

~R.C. Sproul Jr

Certainly sheltering our children to some degree is universally accepted. Basic protections in the areas in which the church and the world agree are rarely in question. For example, any parent would defend the need to dress children warmly in cold weather, to teach them to be careful around cars and strangers and so on. These are not just acceptable forms of sheltering- they are the difference between being a responsible parent or not.

The real question that is being asked is how far do we go beyond these socially accepted norms? How much should we "shelter" or protect? It's a great question- one every family must answer.

The word "sheltering" can invoke a lot of images before we even get talking- which is why you don't find that term discussed much here. Instead of battling pre-conceived ideas, why not stand for being a parent who navigates by Biblical principles?

Our goal should be to tie each of our decisions and rules to

the unchanging Word of God rather than to our feelings. This

requires us often to 'check' our own past experiences and desires

at the door to follow God.

 

We should continue to see a growing in holiness and a conforming to God's Word in our lives and the overflow of this growth should be evident in our families.

Whenever we guide these little hearts in the daily issues of life we should do our diligence to tie these issues to Scripture. More is taught as they see us conforming our will to God's Word than any other method.

PRINCIPLE BASED PARENTING

To share an example of what I am talking about I wanted to share a story from a few weeks ago. This example isn't to give the impression that we've got it all nailed down, but to share what principle based parenting means to us.

One of our daughters saw a framed movie poster. She knows a lot of people see this movie- there are always posters, toys, product packages- you name it everywhere we go. Anyway, as she was processing our family's views she said:

"We aren't going to watch that movie- even though everyone else does- because it's evil, huh?"

I thought about it and said, "What does Psalm 1 say?"

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful... but his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law he meditates day and night... he shall be like a tree planted by rivers of water that brings forth its fruit in season, whose leaf also shall not wither..."

"Right. I am not going to tell you that movie is completely evil. Satan is usually trickier than that- mixing "good" with evil so we will swallow it all down.

What I am going to say is that it was not made by godly men or championing godly principles. That is why we aren't going to watch that movie. We want to apply Psalm 1 in which God teaches us how to be strong trees. What movies fit this criteria?" Which of course had the girls naming movies by the Kendrick brothers, and others.

Do you see the difference? This could be called sheltering because it could be seen as "keeping our children from seeing" a popular movie, but it isn't that. It's principle based parenting- or Christian living. Conforming our lives to the Word.

We don't want to give our children a list of man made rules to follow from any "movement." We want them to be wise and discerning. We want them to learn how to apply God's Word to various issues. And we want them to know that

God isn't keeping them from something good-

He's offering something MUCH BETTER!

Strength, health, fruit, and life (Psalm 1:6)!

 

 

We want to feed their spirits with good teaching that encourages them to be sold out for Jesus. And teach them to keep their eyes on Him, not on what others are doing around them. There will be folks- sometimes even in the church that will cloak sin and call it liberty. Do not follow them.

1 Peter 2:16 says: "Act as free men, and do not

use your freedom as a covering for evil, but

use it as bond-slave of God."

We were once slaves of sin and couldn't follow Christ.

Now we are free! But we are to use our freedom

to be a bond-slave to Him, not to feed the flesh.

SCRIPTURE IS KEY

I wanted to share a few areas with you that we had to carefully consider early on- and the verses that have guided us. This isn't exhaustive and I certainly would be blessed to hear areas in which you are seeking a verse or areas in which you've found a verse that is guiding you. Iron sharpens iron friends.

Friendships-

"The righteous should chose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray." Proverbs 12:26

"Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits. Awake to righteousness and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34

Close parental guidance/ not leaving children to play alone-

"He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed." Proverbs 13:20

"The rod and sharp words give wisdom: but a child who is not guided is a cause of shame to his mother." Proverbs 19:15

What we watch and listen

Psalm 1 (used in example above)

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philipians 4:8

...as it applies to Witchcraft (a popular topic to watch or read about)

"Let no one be found among you... who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omen, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD." Deuteronomy 18:10-12

"A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to stone them; their blood will be on their own heads." Leviticus 20:27

God's feeling about the influence of witchcraft among His people is clear.

"Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or to the left; remove your foot from evil." ~Proverbs 4:24-27

Richest blessings to you!

_____________________

Photos: The girls enjoying the pleasant Spring weather. Hailey receiving a birthday present from Grammie- sweet bath toys and stainless pots and pans were perfect treats to usher in a new year of toddler fun. A rare treat- the opportunity to lunch at a charming little Italian spot with hand painted murals, cloth napkins, fresh foccasia bread and simple entrees- so refreshing.